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Healing Class - Lesson Three

Reclaiming Lost Spirit

Part One: Ahriman

"At the beginning of lesson two of this class I mentioned that in denying parts of my Light, I created two spirits who were separate from me. The first I became aware of is called Lucifer, and the other is Ahriman, more often called Satan. Reclaiming the lost Spirit essence in these beings is the first priority in my healing. Until I and all other other spirits have reigned in and redeemed their energies, attitudes and behaviors, the Mother will experience pain at the hand of Spirit, regardless of our intention.

"I have also mentioned that in the beginning of my awareness I had many questions. I wondered about myself and where I'd come from, how I got started, and where my existence was taking me. I began to experiment with myself to learn more about these issues, and hopefully answer some of my questions. I tried hiding from myself, forgetting things I'd learned, and making things up to see if just thinking them would make them so.

"Later, when I first noticed the Mother's presence, I was initially annoyed by the disturbance she was causing. But soon I became very curious as well. I wanted to know all about her, and I experimented with her in many of the same ways I had with myself. I didn't know another way of learning, and because I had not yet any Heart presence, my only interest besides my inner reveries was my scientific curiosity.

"Magnetic essence was new to me, and I persisted in my studies. My prodding and poking hurt her, and my response to her recoil was anger that she would not stay present for my experiments. I was also suspicious of her because I didn't know who or what she was, or how she got here in 'my' space.

"My anger and suspicions imprinted her, and she reflected these back to me. At the time I couldn't understand why this unknown something was suddenly here, and angry at me. I just wanted to learn more about it, why didn't it trust me?

"A split happened in me then. Part of me remained suspicious and curious, and yet somewhat aloof and detached. Another part began to be drawn into the smooth, rhythmic wiggling of the magnetic essence. I found her movements pleasing then, and I felt for the first time in my existence... joy.

"I decided to focus on the pleasant new feelings, so I disregarded my curiosity and suspicions and paid attention to the joy that was becoming the foundation of my Heart. In the presence of the Mother I was experiencing love, but I didn't know that's what it was at the time. It was different than what I'd felt in my inner reveries. It felt somehow more substantial and 'real.' Whatever it was, I knew I liked it, and I wanted more.

"But soon curiosity returned, and with it came the feeling that I must detach from this thing, or I wouldn't be able to learn more about it. I did detach and study the magnetic essence again, and that's when I knew that I wanted to use it to help me understand myself better. I noticed its reflective nature and I wanted it to show me what I looked like.

"In my detached state, away from the thing, I could study it, analyze it, make judgments about it, and therefore understand it better, I thought. However, as soon as I came into contact with it, I again came under its spell and lost the sense of being myself.

"Although I felt joyously enraptured by the closeness and the pleasure of that contact, I also felt somehow confined and enclosed by it. I knew if I wanted to use this thing as a mirror, I'd have to get close enough to see myself, and yet stay separate enough to avoid being caught up in its energy. I became an engineer then, adding to my already budding talents as a scientist.

"However, there was a miscalculation on my part. As I came into proximity of my new mirror, I got a good look at myself, and I very much liked what I saw. My Light increased with excitement, and as my excitement grew, I learned more about how to increase its intensity by just watching myself do it."

The Explosion

"At one point in pumping myself up, I became very excited and my Light suddenly and dramatically amplified. In the same moment, the magnetic essence became much more attracted to me and began moving to fully contain me. I felt my whole self being drawn into her strong magnetic field as she opened herself very wide to engulf me.

My excitement became so intense that I could no longer stay present with it. In denial of my true safety here, the intense exhilaration of my pumped-up Light turned in an instant to sheer terror that I would be swallowed up by something that had somehow become even bigger than me.

"My reaction was instinctive and swifter than my ability to think. The fast-moving terror was more excitement than I knew possible and I quickly multiplied the intensity of my Light in an instinctive effort to propel myself out of there, to save myself from being consumed by my mirror.

"The resulting explosion was the conception of manifestation, the birth of this Creation... but it literally blew most of the magnetic essence into fragments that accelerated very quickly into the darkness. Although I know now that my reaction caused a deep and devastating imprint of fear of sentience in all consciousness, it wasn't even a consideration in the intensity of the moment.

"The blast had ripped from me my newly found love and joy, and I felt great grief for that profound loss. Very quickly my feelings of grief were replaced by a new sensation of fear that I'd never see her again. I missed that thing. And I was quite uncomfortable with myself, fearing both that she would eat me whole if she could, and that I might never see her again.

"I turned inward again to avoid feeling anymore, and soon taught myself to forget. I then returned to my studies of myself and my existence, and for a very long time I didn't think much more about that wondrous, vexing 'thing' that had come and gone in such a spectacular way.

"Much later, when I encountered her again, I remembered my earlier interest and excitement, and apparently she did too. We didn't realize we were both quite diminished since our first meeting. And in denial of our fragmentation we began a relationship. That's when I visited the Void and used the dividing line to further fragment myself by separating the qualities of my Light that were pleasing to the Mother from the qualities that weren't.

"Lucifer, as you know, was the result of dividing myself. The other result of doing this, unknown to me until very recently... was that I became Ahriman. When I returned from the void, I returned split off from Lucifer. I was now identified as the clever scientist and engineer I thought myself to be... Ahriman, the god of Power. And I hadn't realized until quite recently that the qualities of my Light that had empowered me to figure out how to split myself, and that prompted me very soon thereafter to engage in denial and deception... were not qualities of my core essence, Loving Light.

"They were the qualities of a devil. I had often thought fondly of myself as 'a clever devil' for being so smart about these and other matters, but it's been only recently that I've realized how sadly true that was.

"Ahriman is the clever devil in humanity, too. He's the scientist who invents yet another way to use or override Nature, the Mother's domain in manifestation.

"He's the engineer who designs the tools that empower the scientist and the warrior. He's the kindly tinkerer who remains detached enough to find a new use for old things. He's the accountant that knows how to present the facts... so as the banker and investor he will finance the ventures of the scientist, engineer and warrior.

"He's the surgeon whose cool craft denies the body's wholeness. He's the judge who evaluates the evidence and passes judgment, not from his heart, but from the mental abstractions of the written law.

"Ahriman is in every human. He's the left-brained devil whose cool logic and detached judgments point out that emotional presence is flawed and somehow wrong. He's the clever devil whose financial and technical skills dazzle and impress, and get him lots of recognition in the form of wealth and power.

"And we need him. We need him under Love. His skills and talents are crucial to the evolution of Creation and the realization of the Mother's dream. Like Lucifer, he is now waiting to be redeemed so that the goodness of his skills and qualities can be employed by loving Light in service to the Mother in manifesting her desires... the end of suffering, wholeness of Being, and the realization of her dream.

"For a very long time I had thought most favorably of Ahriman's qualities, and considered them my own. I was identified as Ahriman, the god of Power that human religions honor and worship. And for a very long time I did not realize that as Ahriman I had a separate existence, a life apart from my true core essence... loving Light. I had accepted all his good qualities of detached mental activity as mine, and attributed the parts of Ahriman I didn't like to Lucifer or the 'Denial Spirits,' the Asuras."

Next: Lesson Three - Part Two: The Asuras

Spirit Polarity, Lesson Two | Quest for the Mother, Lesson One.

Healing Class Lessons One & Two Discussion

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