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Introduction
Part One: Healing Through Feeling - Mother's Voice
Part Two: God, Accept My Rage - Mother Speaks to Spirit Polarity
Part Three: Mother and Father in Heart - Conception of Love
Part Four: The Old God (Consciousness) in You Needs to be Updated
- A Therapy for Attachment to Spiritual Values
Part Five: Let the New God In - Healing through Understanding
Part Six: God's "Falling" into Love - The Awakening of Heart

Channelers' note: This contribution is unusual for several reasons, including its length and the variety of voices and expression. It is a powerful piece of work that reads best as a single experience. Unusual spacing allows the liberal use of the scroll bar while reading on screen, (and it's okay to begin scrolling before the page is fully loaded). The material in this contributtion is highly emotional and often inflammatory, it can have a profound triggering and healing effect.

...Your expressions - love or hate - are teaching Me

something about Mother and You, Heart.

I need to hear them to evolve!

One of the dimensions of the purpose of this material is to unlock the old "rooms" of suppressed emotions and unresolved concerns that exist now as a dead weight in the body, blocking and impairing circulation on many levels and in many different ways, making the body stagnant and prone to disease, especially inside these blocked areas. When an individual relives these emotions, he is vibrating these stagnant areas again and releasing the unmoving physical or vibrational matters while NOT JUST VENTILATING but now understanding the process, witnessing it and accepting these matters with his own consciousness fully and unconditionally, which brings him to a new level of health and well-being.

This material is not just information - it has the energy BEHIND THE INFORMATION; it works throughout and around the person's etheric bodies and it needs time to make the emotions vibrate in the physical body. So take your time when reading this, because the deeper your emotions are during the reading, the deeper you let this energy penetrate, "massage" and enliven the decaying matter of the inner planes of your being. If you intend to just quickly go through it and read it only with your mind, without feeling it emotionally, don't waste your time. This material is not for those who are looking for a mental exercise or for another "interesting concept". This is a therapy session and it's intended for those who are in ceaseless pain and who want to heal it and learn how to heal it.

This release is not a painless process, either. During the healing period the person might experience some physical or emotional pains or discomforts surfacing to be "discharged" and that might create some temporary problems or conflicts with the person's immediate surroundings, especially if the emotional experience or its depth is not catching up with information consumed. For that reason it is important, even crucial, for the person doing this kind of deep healing work to BE AWARE OF THESE "SIDE EFFECTS" AND CONSCIOUSLY ACCEPT all the "craziness" of these emotional matters without judging them or becoming them in any way but only giving them his consciousness' love and understanding (just as the thoughtful husband would do with his wife).

This and other channelings have many levels of depth and width and THE MORE ONE CAN EXPERIENCE THEM EMOTIONALLY, THE DEEPER THE LEVEL OF UNDERSTANDING ONE CAN REACH and the wider the angle of one's vision of reality can be. Also, it is important to understand that this material is a living organism; it is constantly changing and it will be periodically updated to make it in line with the present moment.

If something in you keeps postponing doing this kind of work, or if something interferes with it, it might mean that you are not ready for it yet. The best time to read this material is when a person is going through personal difficulties or some sort of emotional turbulence. The healing process is much more effective at that time.

When the new paragraphs start with quotes, it indicates that the Collective Being is speaking and when it starts without the quotes it means that the fragment of It, which I am, is speaking. But it is best to approach it in a non-logical way because sometimes both or all voices are speaking as one, so just take it in a non critical way and if you see some imperfections in the text take it as a therapy for your attachment to perfection (a half-joke).

Attention, reader! Shallow, conceptual, emotionless

 

and apathetic reading of this material may have little

 

or no healing effect. Please do not skip repetitions

 

and redundancies. They, along with uncommon

 

punctuation, are important and intentional.

 

 

Thank you, reader for getting along with my not being logical and grammatically precise.

There is no logic here.

There is a feeling.

There is a logic inside the feeling.

 

 

Contributor

 

 

Winter '99

While hopelessness and uselessness ease their grip on me, I rush to put together some of my channeled material to make it available and accessible to those who need it. There is some feeling of urgency about it as if it is kind of getting late - the next contribution is already nipping at my heels! I hear the Mother moaning and groaning in me every day to do something to bring Her messages to Spirit Polarity as soon as possible, messages that might bring us to another level of understanding, questions, answers and practices.

I feel a tremendous, almost unbearable pull on me to write, sing, scream - whatever! - these messages that are buzzing endlessly through me and more so now, when they sense a teeny little opening for them to get out, to be heard, manifest, live - they are all awakening from the dead and lifting up their boney hands to me to pull them out from their utterly dark existence.

I finally found the strength (or the weakness?) I needed to trust and follow my own intuition and desire (thank you, GodChannel.com!), I quit whatever "worldly" jobs I had left out there and gave in to these desperate voices. Yes, I'm going to write, scream and shout these voices and I'm going to work my ass off to deliver them, because I feel, I just know, that THIS IS MY JOB! - and always has been - and as long as I have whatever opening is out there for it and as long as I have whatever life is left in me, I'm going to do it no matter what - so help me God!

It takes a lot of daring on my part to try to be heard while feeling so broken and silenced in every way, living outside of the system, floating between worlds, not belonging to any of them. I was born in the Caucasus Mountain region of the former USSR; English is my third or maybe fifth language and I have no computer skills or soul around to help me with it.

Some of my channelings were written a while ago, but I let them just gather dust because I didn't see anybody that might be interested in looking into them and then, when I discovered GodChannel I couldn't find anybody able to help me to translate these messages into a verbal form. Aside from having a language problem, I stumbled into a difficulty with transferring Mother's "simple but complex" understandings into words.

I actually experienced words as being so limited without accompanying music and rhythm of the speaking voice, that I found myself "inventing" new words and punctuation in an effort to be as close to the original as possible. I know that I'm way behind in getting this out to the reader - I had to actually hire someone to speed up the process - but even that was nearly impossible to accomplish!

No matter what I do or how much I try - I end up with nothing or less. It all makes me want to ask Spirit - are you sure you want to help Mother? Is someone here (or somewhere) going to help me to deliver Mother's voice? Or are you all going to act out the same old program of killing Mother so you can then sit in peace and quiet, and discuss further about helping Her? She is rapidly losing things She can speak with - is that what you are all waiting for?

EXPRESSIONS HERE ON THIS SITE ARE A NECESSARY BALANCE FOR SPIRIT WORK

Did I just hear that this site is not a place for expressions of feelings and emotions?

I have lived on three continents and still I have no home. This site feels like one - it gives me hope that Love and Life are possible and I would do everything to make it true. But why do I have a persistent feeling that we are missing me on this site?

"I feel that if I will sing and be heard by others like me we won't die. Screaming alone has little power. The power of aloneness is not enough to break out of my grave and unglue my mouth. But when I know they hear me - I can scream their voices too! And then we synchronize... .....And you know what that means.... (Imagine the power of "Act Your Rage" open mike clubs all over the country with TV exposure. Well... they're already there... They're called Comedy Clubs...)

Let me tell you what happened to me while I was reading the reader's contribution "I'm enraged". I experienced a thick emotional splash (thank you, contributor!) which unglued the clots of old stuff in me that I was unable to access otherwise - and propelled them up-and-out. It gave me a push I needed to get out of my "zombiness", IT MADE ME FEEL(!), it moved me back to breathing when I was dangerously numb and frozen as if I had been given a shot of anesthesia. It made me feel the pain, and the pus, and the scream of that place where the question "WHERE IS THE MOTHER?" was buried. Yes, I did find that place in me, "unjailed" it, gave it a voice - and then, so many things sprung out of that emotional movement!

Are you sure this site is not a place for expressions of emotions?

FEELING IS PRACTICING. UNDERSTANDING AND NOT FEELING IS A DISEASE.

We are trying so hard to stir, to enliven our dying emotions through music, movies, food, relationships, pain - why not through this site? If not here, where? While God gives us a lot of THEORY - reading and feeling (!) these expressions full of agony and blood can be an indispensable PRACTICE, a necessary balance to that theory. It can be THE meditation. The more you load the mind, the more it takes to balance it with emotional movement; otherwise, these unexpressed emotions may manifest themselves as illnesses and other problems.

So, yes, there is such a thing as "too much consciousness". It's when the emotional experience can't catch up with it. And that's when mental illness strikes. It surely will balance itself anyway, but not in a way one would appreciate. Through addictions, for example, which can only be a desperate attempt to temporarily slow down, destabilize the overbearing conscious mind (and its aggression) and let the emotions slip out of its control at least for a moment and ventilate, unload, express themselves and, thus, achieve some balance between Mother's and Father's forces in the body, so that it can still go on and live. (Some psychiatric medications are doing just that.)

Or it can also be the other way around - the addiction can be a result of one's conscious mind not wanting or being unable to face the feelings that are arising from the subconscious - the Mother - and wants to elude them at all costs by taking in anything that can shut them down. It can be food, alcohol, drugs, TV, relationships, socializing, sex, pills - anything! Can you acknowledge that identical symptoms can have different causes? Can you see now why it might not be useful or helpful to prescribe the same pill for two headaches?

(...There must be a different prescription of behavioral medicine for people from different Polarities...)

AS LONG AS YOUR MIND IS SEEKING TO DOMINATE YOU

IT IS YOUR ENEMY AND MURDERER

And, yes, I will repeat again and again that expanding consciousness without balancing it with emotional movement even here on this site is a danger, a disease and the same old shit of hegemony and dominance of mind over the feelings! And as we already know, it results in loss of consciousness anyway.

Unless the information itself is so emotionally charged that it balances itself out, it will throw the reader into increasingly severe problems that are stemming from mind/emotion imbalance.

The only thing that might be needed here is to categorize it in a way that everyone will find what he is ready for at the moment - the THEORY or the PRACTICE - to study it or experience it, to think it or feel it, to observe or participate!!!

And now to balance that theory too, I'll show you what came forth during my emotional splash caused by the contribution "I'm enraged." But first read this:

WE ARE ALL DUMPERS AND DUMPED ON

...at the same time. It's a pyramid structure - whoever is on the bottom has no place to "dump". People from the Lower Chakras of the Body of Earth are in the worst condition and have no choice but to go to war upon their dumpers. That means that the "bad" people who are holding rejected matter will fight against their dumpers, the "good" people. Because these so-called good people became good by rejecting and projecting their "negativity" outside themselves and it lands downward, on people located on the Lower CHAKRA regions of the Big Body. And the only way these "good people" can prevent being attacked and wiped out by their own "badness" is to accept that badness back, acknowledge it, "un-judge" it and enlighten it by giving it their understanding, acceptance and love.

Be kind to these people from the Lower Chakras. You know very well who they are. You feel and recognize them as the "lower than you."

"To Fight" with "badness" has only one purpose: to learn how you created it

and how you can now uncreate it.

We are talking mostly about Mother Polarity people here. Their "bad" is not to be confused with the "bad" of Lucifer and Ahriman; these are cold, detached, emotionless, calculating creatures moved only by their rage, and always waiting for a perfect chance or excuse to attack. Their crimes are always premeditated and they are too smart and too quick to be caught easily. The only way to recognize Them is to sense Them, and the only way to resist Them is to keep your emotions alive.

RIGHT OR WRONG IS NOT THE POINT. HEALING IS.

Attention Spirit people, get ready to feel - not think or evaluate when reading the expressions. Your speed reading skills are not useful here. This and other emotionally charged materials should not only be read, they should be experienced and relived - and not just once. If you noticed that you are getting too critical or tend to be preoccupied with right or wrong, "I agree" or "I disagree" sort of things - try to switch, read it with your feeling part first, and THEN with your mind - or you might be missing the point here (and a healing effect too!). To be right is not the point here. Sometimes a "wrong" thing is exactly what it takes to stir or activate the right place and to bring it to the surface. Let the "wrong" trigger you into your emotions, into your numb frozen places, into decaying matter that may rot the whole body away if unattended. LET THE WRONG BE RIGHT FOR YOU. Let it be in pain but alive...

IF YOU FEEL YOUR PAIN YOU CAN BE HEALED!!

So sit back, don't waste your breath judging, evaluating, forming opinions when exposed to any kind of emotional matter. Read slowly, hear the intonation of the voice speaking and feel it! Remember, the sophistication is within simplicity - not outside it. When moved emotionally, don't go past that, slow down or stop reading for a moment. Relax, go into your feelings, don't hold back even a bit, let them reach you, let them get to you, experience them as thoroughly as you can, cry or laugh or make some sounds or movements if you feel like it, express them in every way your mind can find out for you. Get that cold, arrogant light of Lucifer and Ahriman out of you, or it will keep you enslaved and away from your Free Choice forever! Isn't it time to do YOUR WILL'S DESIRE - NOT YOUR MIND'S DESIRE, for a change? Can you feel the difference?

.....So go ahead and have a nice "trip"!

FEEL IT FEEL IT FEEL IT FEEL IT FEEL IT FEEL IT FEEL IT FEEL IT FEEL IT FEEL IT FEEL IT FEEL IT

WHEN YOU SPEAK AND NO ONE HEARS YOU

"I'll write and I'll scream and I'll question - until I fall breathless into hopelessness again. 'Cause THIS SITE IS MY PLACE!, my only home! And if it isn't, it only means one thing: that this site is another Ahrimanic bait, another "almost God" presence that is using the truth to invade and possess me from inside! I want to be heard, I want to give my Song a Body - here on this site, or - can You show me another place to be? Life has never been for me - do You really think You can change it with a motionless and emotionless "Running Energy Exercise"?

You are so amazingly bright - how come You still didn't invite at least one good Mother-Heart presence to teach You some stuff here? I don't feel and I don't understand the word "Light", it sounds so corny, so gutless, so "spiritual" and so used and misused to me - I can almost puke when I hear it! It feels like hopelessly being in love with someone who is torturing you viciously while looking right into your very eyes - and doesn't have a clue he's doing it! - but only asking in bewilderment: why doesn't she love Me?

How can I love, when I perceive love as the Beginning of the End!? A beautiful Beginning of the horrible End?... And can You please, help me to figure out HOW IN THE WORLD CAN I SURVIVE BOTH - being in love with You so deeply and infinitely and at the same time be disgusted with You and despise You to such a degree, that I need to do a "vomiting exercise"!?.......Move, You said?!... How can I move when I am surrounded by a thick, suffocating layer of nothingness that separates and disconnects me from everything that moves and lives, where I can't help but just fall into a zombie-like state where only nothingness exists! .....I'm forced to live like a witch in the woods and if someone makes it through it's only to devour the Love in me that I harbored through such deadly pains and losses....

...Every kind of emotional workout opens me up in every way and sexually too and I need to numb, kill, repress, fight my own sexuality, my own Desire - it is impossible to live feeling this constant fall into the abyss, this black void, this nothingness, this emptiness, this hunger for something that doesn't exist!... My men have never showed up and I don't know how to Make Love without having someone outside me - can You show me ANOTHER way to Make Love within myself that doesn't feel like punishment?

...I experience death and readiness to die every day and every moment, I would willingly become a prostitute to save the remains of life in me, but my ever impractical mind can't figure out how to accomplish even that!

How long can one sing into emptiness? How long can one masturbate in every way? How long can one live only in imagination? HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU SPEAK AND NO ONE HEARS YOU?

(End of Part I. All six parts should be read consecutively and as a whole to have a healing effect.)

Attention, reader! Shallow, conceptual, emotionless

and apathetic reading of this material may have little

or no healing effect. Please do not skip repetitions

and redundancies. They, along with uncommon

punctuation are important and intentional.

Contributor

April '99

The following was written and rewritten while I was desperately looking for someone to help me with typing and some editing. It was then when I realized that no one will help me to deliver Mother's voice, no ONE, just like it was in original blueprint - unless she is a Mother herself, and she is not overpowered by Lucifer's rage. Yes, I experienced people's programming against Mother again, but it was different this time - I experienced it while being aware of it.

It was around that time when I consciously experienced another tragedy - a deadly competition between fragments of the same essence. It is my self killing myself and proclaiming victory over it. Oh, My God. It's a horror that gets activated here (if one feels into it enough).

It was also around that time when I bumped into my own rage that did indeed have all these qualities that I was missing so much now. She was me in many ways and her light was so bright and abundant - but helping Mother was not what she had in mind. All that this rage was seeking was power. Power, actually was its name. It had even performed a little public "crucifixion" party on me. I didn't die this time. God got me to read Indigo Mother's Plight ("Indigo" book) right on time. So, yes, I did experience it - but while I was AWARE of it - with Father. It helped me not only to experience it but also witness it. What a difference!

It was also around that time that I realized what a "clever" game my own OLD CONSCIOUSNESS had played on me when, after persuading me to disown my "negative" emotions, it had me help it (the consciousness) to flee from me too - with the help of healers and gurus of every sort; with Its only remains I am living and functioning right now... I guess it got tired of experiencing Mother's "dead while alive" mode. No picnic, Huh?

HEAR THE MOTHER'S VOICE HEAR THE MOTHER'S VOICE HEAR THE MOTHER'S VOICE

"No, I can't! ... I can't wait any more until I find one soul to deliver my voice! ...You're all telling me that it's absolutely a must to really be on the level of words to give birth to what's erupting out of me, but please, hear me!... I have been in labor for too long - I cannot hold it any longer!!! ...I'm throwing it up already! Am I talking to myself? Can someone hear me out there? Can somebody understand what I'm going through?

Are you going to reject what I have to say again just because it doesn't look sophisticated enough for you? Sure, I might have a million shortcomings and things to heal and improve but how am I going to heal without being received and accepted SOMEWHERE and without having a place to put what's exploding out of me?

Don't try to preach and get conceptual on me now. I'm in labor and I am giving you my experience with you!

You don't have an idea of how you look to me when you all, one after another, refuse to help me, covering up under some "cute" excuses while what I need is so, so little! I understand that it is hard, almost impossible to resist the power of your programming but please, at least recognize it, be conscious of it when it happens, beware and be aware of it! Please, see that you are murdering me every day while talking endlessly about helping and saving me!

BEWARE AND BE AWARE OF YOUR PROGRAMMING

against the Mother and the Heart (inside and outside yourself)

If Heart ever came close to you, you said: "Who are you to talk like Heart? If you are a Heart, why does no one bow to you? How can you be a Heart and also be alive?"

Sure - it doesn't look right to you. You kind of like Him better when He is crucified first and then bowed to! Inscribe it in your mind that He cannot come until you do! It's only when you learn to recognize Him that He can be saved from your "righteous" hands!

PAY ATTENTION ,YOU JUST KNOCKED HIM DOWN A MINUTE A GO!

"You keep pictures of Jesus everywhere, you cry for Him to come - pay attention, you just knocked him down a minute a go! - when He (or She) dared to hold not one but two Truths and they happened to be opposites!

You Want Him/Them (His fragments) to be your teachers; how is He going to teach you anything or "write a book" if He is barely surviving while working for you as a guard or janitor? Will you ever even consider listening to Him? You don't call it a murder? What do you call it then?

PROTECT HIM FROM YOURSELF

And sometimes He cannot even get any job whatsoever no matter how much He tries. His real skills are not rated as anything worth having for the jobs available in this realm. So He is destined to perish out there, surrendered to His fate, crushed into countless pieces, and from time to time you are passing Him by while thinking - why can't "they" just get a job and struggle and pay the bills like I do?!

Well, can I remind you that you're all programmed against Him and Mother and no matter what your intentions are, you always end up only shoving Them/Us into an abyss!?

You are not able to count and measure how many times and how severely it had happened, because WHEN OTHERS ALSO DID IT, YOU WEREN'T THERE! Who cares if it's all happening subconsciously - the result is the same and the collective effect is murderous!

"Struggle", you say... Struggle for what - for your dream? You think your dream is enough to lift up the One who never had a life, who's been suicidal since He was born? Do you think your "dream" is worth living for Him? Do you think your dream can be His dream? You've been living and working for your dream forever - why wasn't it ever achieved, why does it always elude you like a mirage? And why didn't it ever make you happy? Don't you get it that His dream is so big and so vast that it's beyond the horizons of your vision and with your not being able to embrace its vastness and not letting Him move the way He needs to make it true, it doesn't feel like it's worth living to Him... So there He is, lying in the midst of garbage bags, jobless and homeless in many ways, fragmenting into thousands of pieces, and losing the memory of who He really is... Don't you understand that if you cannot see the vastness of His dream you cannot see the vastness of His pain?! So, how dare you judge Him?

And why is it that all your "dreams" always end up the same - dying alone, abandoned and isolated, estranged from your own family, lying soaking wet in your own urine and feces and in the company of a tired and indifferent caretaker - no matter how rich you are or how high a status you had?...

And then, in your dying delirium, you remember His mourning face: He knew it all along, didn't He?...

Yes, He knew it all along - He never stopped experiencing it! He experiences death every day again and again - while He is young and alive - in His teens, His 20's, 30's, as long as He "lives"... And now you again are passing Him by with squeamishness, annoyed and wondering: why can't he live my dream?

When did you come to accept it as your only dream? Who made you believe it as YOUR ONLY REALITY? Do you really trust deep down that it's supposed to be that way, that this is the only way it can be? Do you really wish to believe it???

UNBREAK MY HEART

...You want Him to reveal Himself to you - don't you understand that this is equivalent to suicide for Him? How can He reveal Himself to you without "insulting" your religious or "spiritual" feelings, your familiar image of Him? It is so unsafe to be revealed to you - you're going to kill Him right there - like you always did! Because, you say, <How can this dirty homeless-looking guy in this washed-out t-shirt be THE ONE? He doesn't look anything like these beautiful images of Him! How dare this outcast humiliate and raise his hand upon our most sacred values and beliefs! How can he claim that he is the Heart, the great Heart, the Messiah that is going to save the world?!! He must be insane! Who does he think he is? He should be punished for this!!!... And in a way that he will remember it forever and will never do it again!!!>

Yeah... He might just do that... You murdered Him so many times - why should He save you?

TELL ME, WHERE SHALL I GO?

And how do you explain the fact that I, now an accomplished vocalist - according to reputable scholars and teachers - with a three-and-a-half octave voice range and with all my prizes and successes, - am now silent and jobless? "You are too serious and your voice is too sad" - that's all they could come up with when refusing me another job. Hey... ...excuse me for living - the "happy voice" was coming right after the sad one, you never let me sing long enough to hear it! AND WHO DO YOU THINK IS SINGING? And why is it that the audience loves it? They say, <It's impossible to listen to you and not to cry, ...you sing what we feel but cannot express>, in fact, last time they simply didn't let me off the stage - how is it possible to be jobless with all this success? WHO IS IT that is making the decisions? Something doesn't match here!!...

Oh well, I don't care for your kind of success anyway, it's really not worth living or dying for. It's certainly not what is going to pick me up from my dust into your rat race.

I'M WATCHING THE DISHWASHER COMPLAINING ABOUT HIS JOB AND

I'M THINKING HOW LUCKY HE IS TO HAVE A REASON TO BE

(TO HAVE A DESIRE TO LIVE)

...Sometimes you'd notice me quietly trying to find a little space for me to be and not die - no, you wouldn't let me have even that much - you would find all the reasons and make all the efforts to expel me from that place. And so does everyone. Everyone. EVERYONE!!! WHERE AM I TO GO? Don't you get it that if only one of you throws a single stone at me - I can only get hurt, but if each one of you throws a stone at me - I get killed!!! If you are so particular and "sensitive" not to kill or hurt animals - why is it OK by you to murder me? You don't think you are murdering me when you are refusing me a job at least as a dishwasher? You think you are the only ones refusing me my livelihood? Sure - you didn't see another hundred or two that did just the same! Can't beat that programming!......So, do I have any other choice except being a childless bag lady, a beggar on every level, grief-stricken, surrendered to death, rapidly losing the remains of light and reason, looking so ever dark and unappealing to you?! I am bleeding all over - when will you learn to see with your hearts, not with your minds? Does blood have to be red to be seen? Or should I become gay to join those who can understand my pain and loneliness?

...And sometimes when I mingle with healers, gurus, oracles and parapsychologists of every sort and they reveal their shortsightedness, and then proclaim me as evil and ridicule my visions and channelings, I want to scream right into their cold detached faces:

"I don't have to 'channel the Mother' - I am the Mother! If you would have true visions you would never be able to do what you are doing! YOU ARE BLINDED BY YOUR VISION! You are murdering me every day while praying to me to protect you and heal you - do you have any senses in you with which to see it and feel it!? You think that if you are vegetarians you are more evolved - Hitler also was a vegetarian, did it make him more evolved?!!

"You should read "Conversations With God!" - someone from the "crew" makes a point. Something breaks in me. I cool down, hopelessness lands on my face. A bunch of kids. All of them. They are all Spirit polarized - they cannot feel the Mother... How can I blame them? Can a child see what a parent can see? No way is it going to work... Not even this time... It's hopeless...

Why did I never meet someone just like me? Where are they, my other broken pieces? Are they all crashed into dust or possessed by Lucifer? I surrendered to death such a long time ago - why is it ever so slow?"...

Oh, God, turn Your Face to Me

 

I'm standing here before You

 

in anguish,

 

And I'm calling You.

 

Hear my voice, God,

 

Reach out to Me,

 

Take Me in Your Arms.

 

 

Hold Me, God, hold Me tight

 

A song is bursting out of Me,

 

a sad song.

 

Hold Me, God, hold Me tight

 

I'll give You the sounds of childbearing,

 

the ancient sounds.

 

 

Hear Me, God, look at My mouth,

 

Accept the moans

 

From My Infinite Depths.

 

Listen My Lord

 

To the sounds of shattering

 

Listen to the sounds of Mother's Heart

 

Breaking.

 

 

Hold Me tight, feel My Pulse -

 

I'll sing You a Song

 

About My dark lonely existence

 

About tortures and torments I endured

 

If I ever tried

 

To love and live.

 

 

Hold Me close, God

 

Behold My Face

 

See the wrinkles of Your Paths

 

crossing

>

Back to Me.

 

 

 

Press Your chest

 

Against My withered breasts

 

Listen to the rhythm of my Heart

 

beating

>

Mourning beat.

 

 

Hold Me close, God

 

Gaze into My eyes

 

See the mute scream trembling

 

Behind the glass of

 

Unfallen tears.

 

 

My Lord!

 

When you turn Your Face

 

Upon the Earth

 

And see on Old Woman

 

Rocking to the rhythm

 

Of Her mourning songs

 

Know that it's Me.

 

Know that it's Me.

 

 

M-m-m H-m-m.....

 

M-m-m H-m-m.....

 

Know that it's Me.

 

 

When You see a Broken Woman

 

Made into a Prostitute

 

By an honest man

 

Just because She has no one to turn to

 

And no place to go

 

Know that it's Me.

 

Know that it's Me.

 

 

When You see a Wicked woman

 

With disheveled hair

 

Walking in the woods

 

Muttering and cursing God

 

While praying to Him

 

Know that it's Me.

 

Know that it's Me.

 

When you see a Lonely Woman

 

With insane, wild stare

 

Dragging herself, shambling

 

along the road

 

Until She falls, breathless,

 

Into the Embrace of Death

 

Know that it's Me.

 

Know that it's Me.

 

 

When you see a Fallen Woman

 

On the edge of death

 

Raped on the Side of the Road

 

By any man who happens to pass by

 

Tearing apart

 

The remains of Life in Her -

 

Know that it's Your Wife

 

That is dying In horror

 

Countless deaths, countless deaths.

 

 

M-m-m H-m-m.....

 

M-m-m H-m-m.....

 

Countless deaths

 

Countless deaths.

 

 

Do You still want Her

 

To praise You, to love You?

 

To admire You, to believe in You?

 

To trust You with Her life

 

And to adore You and

 

To laugh at Your cute jokes?

 

 

Do You still want Her

 

To trust Your sweet promises

 

And open Herself to You?

 

So that, in the morning,

 

You can publicly point Your

 

Finger at Her and call Her a whore?

 

And watch Her being stoned to death

 

While She is still holding

 

The glimmer of Your Body's heat -

 

Just because She was unforgivably

 

Trusting too much?

 

Do You? Do You?

 

[Channelers, please use your judgment in deciding whether to include this following paragraph or not. I can't rationalize it. -Contributor]

 

Well, You see, I've been alone for eternity

 

Dreaming of You, Longing for You.

 

But now, the more I study You,

 

The more I like to be alone.

 

So, You kiss My Ass

 

And while You're doing it

 

Listen to what I have to say:

 

 

Know that sooner or later

 

You will have to experience it all

 

Yourself

 

Willingly or unwillingly.

 

And there is nothing You can do

 

To avoid

 

Or prevent it, because

 

That's what You must go through

 

To become Perfect

 

 

And be Perfect You will.

 

 

 

M-m-m Hm-m-m....

 

M-m-m Hm-m-m....

 

And be perfect You will....

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

<...We are going to "dig" a little deeper into old anger now. If you feel you are not ready to embrace it don't go into it and if you go into it anyway, don't complain! But if you feel you're "ripe" and willing, buckle your seat belt and remember that RIGHT OR WRONG IS NOT THE POINT - HEALING IS. Deal? Ready? Let's go!>

And to those who still believe that one can obtain peace by eliminating the other and otherness: did you know that the Earth has a Body just like yours with all the peoples, nations and races being Her organs, head and toes? That, depending on which organ you belong to, you must function and behave accordingly - as that particular organ and not any other? That you've got to sing its songs, speak its language, live its beat and pulse - for the Whole Body to function properly?

Do you think your head has what it takes to function as a heart? Do you think they must have the same ways of doing the job? Same look, same mentality, same customs, same beat? Do you think that if one organ doesn't understand the other, or it's too different from it - it must be cut out?

Do you think your throat's point of view is better than your intestines'? Do you think they need its advice on how to assimilate or distribute nutrients? What will happen to you if your liver will start a war against your kidneys? And win? What if your anus will be eliminated as "not so cool" or low or dirty? How would you like to live without your sexual organs or eyes or vocal cords?

So, why do you think it's OK to do all this to the Big Body you live in? Why are you trying to fight and cut out everything that is not like you? Why are you so eager to kill that which your very life depends on? Who is to decide who shall live and who shall die?

And what would happen to you if your hands were converted into your legs? Or what would happen if your clever brain would convert all your "heretic" organs into itself? ...So why are you preaching around and trying to convert one into the other? Is your way the only way? Is your "organ's" way the only way? Don't you think that each Organ, each nation, each race, each person, EACH BEING HAS A RIGHT, A NEED, A MISSION TO BE DIFFERENT AND EVOLVE DIFFERENTLY?! Don't you get it that if you eliminate, convert, enslave, amputate, withdraw any organ or race, if you WOUND the Big Body you live in - the Whole Body, together with you, is not going to feel too good, will it? That, eventually, It will collapse, TOGETHER WITH YOU? How about operating on your brain then? Before it happens?

You're saying that you chose only peace and harmony - you've been choosing peace and harmony for eons - where is it? Why has it never lasted? How about choosing dissonance as a part of your harmony? Didn't you already hear it happening in music? Didn't you notice it happening in all contemporary arts? Didn't you experience that the best peace you've ever had was right after an open conflict - if you just stayed long enough to see it? That sometimes the best things came out of the worst ones?

People ended up fighting bitterly and killing each other only because they were not able to have a conflict, a small confrontation, because they judged the conflict as bad, because only "nice" things were allowed, because THEY CHOSE ONLY PEACE AND HARMONY AND IF IT WASN'T PEACE AND HARMONY, THEY HAD TO KILL - on every level! Because, <we will not tolerate conflicts and intolerance! All the intolerant people should be eliminated!> Don't you see the killer behind a preacher of peace and harmony?!

People and nations were ruining the most precious relationships because they couldn't or didn't know how to express their discontent before it grew into rage and hatred (without being judged as bad by themselves or by others). And where do you think these suppressed emotions go? And why do you complain then that there are too many criminals out there?

And why are you so proud of your "whiteness"? Where did your "blackness" go? Don't you think that black and white belong together - like husband and wife, like North and South, like the left and right side of your brain? So why don't you be a REAL ANGEL and pick up your blackness >from dust, just take care of at least one at a time, "adopt" 'em! Do you think "their" suffering belongs to "them"? Do you think it's their "blackness" that they're carrying? Don't you think that if you would work out your own mud they wouldn't be black?

SEEK THE COMPANY OF THOSE LOOKING FOR TRUTH,

FLEE AWAY FROM THOSE WHO HAVE FOUND IT

You are saying that Real Truth should be crystal clear - I would like that too - but, excuse me, which real truth you're referring to - the one that your conscious mind can comprehend? Or the one that it cannot even pronounce? "Real truth" - in which time? In which space? From whose point of view? To whom?

EVERY TRUTH IS "CUSTOM DESIGNED" FOR EVERY MOMENT

If you are to ask for advice from your own self but in different stages of your development, whose advice would you listen to: the three-year-old you, the twelve-year-old you, or the forty-year-old you? So,

WHY ARE YOU ASKING TODAY'S QUESTIONS OF YESTERDAY'S GOD?

Is your "real truth" from 10 years ago of the same depth as today? Is your father's truth of the same depth as yours? So do you think God is frozen and static in learning and experiencing Himself? And to which truth do you wish to listen to - the one that says that all the negatives should be eliminated? Or the one that already knows, that it's like in photography - you kill the negatives, there will be no pictures! Do you need to die to be reminded that these "negatives" kept you alive?

YOU ARE MURDERING LOVE EVERY DAY!

Is your idea of God today of the same depth as it was twenty years ago? Do you think it's going to be the same twenty years from now? So what are you fighting and killing for, - for God?, - or your idea of how He is? WHY ARE YOU MURDERING LOVE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR APPROXIMATE IDEAS OF WHAT GOD IS?!!!

And why do you, devoted Christians, forget when you say <Jews betrayed Jesus>, why do you forget that you were either Jews or Romans at that time? And that in the early days one had to convert into Judaism to become a Christian?

And why do you, devoted Jews, deny that Jesus was God's genuine attempt to bring the Messiah earlier than His time had arrived so that He could save the Mother-Shekhinah from Her plight? Granted - He was Father polarized and couldn't save Her because of that - but so are you, don't you think? How many times is Her name mentioned in your prayer book compared to His? Or do you think that you, as the Body of the Son, were born without Her? And what reality do you think is being expressed by the fact that your children are identified by the lineage of the Mother?

And what God or part of God are you referring to when you say <God is One>?

The One that is with Her? Or the One that is without Her?

If God is He where did His She go?

And why does nobody speak of Her? Like She doesn't exist?

Why does nobody deliver Her voice?

Because Her only Son, who can deliver Her voice, is too far polarized towards the Father to hear Her plight?

Because Her only Son, who can give a voice to Her mute screams, is too busy with more "important" affairs?

Because the only One who is able to recognize Her is blinded with the glare of Spirit's ideas?

Because the only One who can decode the non-verbal language of the Mother-Oracle and cast Light into the Darkness of the Unknown is too busy "decoding" Father's abundant Light and His old Toys of all the "Ism"?

Because the only One who can protect Her eludes Her like the rest of the world for the sake of "higher" realms, leaving Her a prey to any monster that wants to devour Her Life Force and feed on it?

Because the only Son who can lift Her up from the dust and save Her from hostile streets doesn't even know He has a Mother?

Because the only One who can sing Mother's Healing Song to the whole world was never close enough to Her to learn Its Melody?

Isn't the Son's real job to be in THE MIDDLE?

If Your real job is to bring Mother and Father, physical and spiritual, together - how are You going to do that if You don't even know who and

WHERE

 

 

IS

 

YOUR

 

MOTHER?!!

If Her only Son will not deliver Her voice - WHO WILL?

If the Heart of the HEART cannot bring Her to Father - WHO CAN?

If Love Itself would not love - WHO WOULD?

And you are asking, why is She in exile?

CRY, HEART, CRY BECAUSE THE SONG OF SONGS HAS NO HAPPY ENDING

Cry, Heart, cry... Because You are broken and Your Mother is crushed into dust...

Cry, Heart, cry, maybe the sounds of Your cries will revive the Melody of Your Mother's Song!

Cry, Heart, cry, because the Song of Songs has no happy ending and the only One who can change it is You!

...Nobody - You hear me? - nobody will understand You better than Your Mother... And your

FATHER WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND AND UNITE WITH YOUR MOTHER WITHOUT YOU!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TAKE YOUR RAGE BACK FROM THE EMOTIONAL CHAKRA OF THE EARTH

OR IT WILL TURN ON YOU

And all of you, quit prancing around and pointing your finger onto hateful and "undeveloped" people - better remember who put that hate into them - and better own it right back into yourself! Because if you won't face the rage inside you, you're going to have to face it from outside you and it won't remember that it was a part of you - it will be your deadliest enemy! There is no point in denying and disowning it as "unacceptable" and judge it as bad anymore - God is far ahead of this right now. Feel it as good, accept it as good and express it as good - while remembering what an important job you're really doing for yourself and the WHOLE WORLD!

Because, once this hate will break loose, it will know no mercy. Remember, that those who carry your rage and hatred don't have your consciousness and reasoning ability to balance it out or redirect it! A NAKED, BLIND IMPULSE OF RAGE AND HATRED STRIPPED OF ALL THE REASON AND LIGHT WITH NO BRIDLE AND NO RIDER TO DIRECT IT - that's what you've got on your hands! So, imagine when it will suddenly strike in front of you or your children!!! ..... !!! .... !!!

GOD, ACCEPT MY RAGE

"...For Our Love's sake, God, tell me how can I trust You with anything when You are still not "grounded " enough into the Heart to know and to feel the Other Side of Yourself fully, when You are still holding Ahrimanic "heights" as Your main observational hill?! Don't You see that You are bound to hurt Us again and again no matter what Your intentions are unless You fully descend into the Heart as Your main point of reference and get a little "soiled" with Earth? And, maybe, go through all of Her horrible experiences and feel them with the same intensity and depth as She did?

"...And can I ask You please, to whom did You command Your Ten Commandments? To whom did You command "do not kill"? To those who are NOT GOING TO DO IT anyway because they can't help feeling the pain of others? Or to those who ARE GOING TO DO IT anyway because they are not capable of feeling anybody's pain - and get away with it too, finding all the excuses and justifications they need for things like stoning women to death on every level just because they dared to trust and love? To whom did You command "do not steal" - to those who are dying from starvation or those who are dying from satiety? To whom did you give your Commandments - to those who are already powerless and defenseless - just to cleverly deprive them of their self-defense and to only make them even more powerless and defenseless? To make scapegoats out of them, to make an easy target for anybody from Spirit Polarity? Isn't that a murdering of the Heart and the Mother program that You are still running? Aren't You violating Your own Commandments? Why don't You practice what You preach? And why do I observe that whenever people from Mother's Polarity are turning themselves to You and become religious or "spiritual" they end up losing all their material possessions and getting even more sick? Isn't it obvious that Your Laws are protecting and giving power only to Spirit Polarity - to manipulate the Mother and the Heart to Its liking, which It did when burning Them Both to ashes whenever They "knew too much"?

"Well, maybe it is, as long as You are not in the Heart - You are Ahriman?!? How can You feel if You are this high? How can You know what Heart and Mother feel when You are still in the Head?

"And why is it that polarization towards Spirit always ends up with some sort of fascism? Because Spirit engraved and imprinted with it? And I am still praying to You?... To whom am I praying - to part of God? ..."In God we trust"!.... In God Who trusts? The ones that have everything except being God? Or the ones that have nothing and never saw God's help no matter how much they prayed? Whom are You helping, God? Those who lost the sense of taste from having too much? Or those who lost the desire for life because they figured they were never going to get it? Who called You God? Did You call It Yourself? How can You be God when You are not united yet with Your Other Parts? Did You think that You, the Consciousness can be God without Her, the Subconsciousness? Are You afraid of not being God? Are You terrified that You might need to experience everything that Mother experienced? Can You look straight into my eyes and tell me that You or something in You are not involved in all the unspeakable sufferings that were bestowed upon the Earth?

And now You are telling me through those whom You invaded that this site is not a place for the expression of emotions?!!! Sounds very familiar!!!

"...And what can I do - tell me! - what can I do when I can't help but love You endlessly and hopelessly because You are Our only hope and Light, because I wouldn't be able to realize and express all this without having part of You in me, because You are the One who uncovered all this before my eyes and gave my memory back to me, because I feel like an anguished, abandoned, grieving wife, pounding angrily with my fists onto Your chest while longing so much for You to embrace and love me?!.........

End of Part II. All six parts should be read consecutively and as a whole to have a healing effect.

UNEMOTIONAL PEOPLE ARE KILLERS

With the kind of life that we have nowadays, to survive (and let others survive), it is absolutely a must to have fights - yes, fights! - at least once a month or so. And love it and have fun with it too!

...Those unemotional people who think that they are "above it" are really killers! Because someone else out there will have to deal with these emotions for them and feel their grief, their depression, their despair, be suicidal or homicidal and act out all the rage and all the murders that their "dumper" didn't want to deal with, - ...because he wanted to be an "angel" .....because he wanted to be only Light and nothing else, because he wanted to look perfect and flawless, because he wanted to be "almost God"! The Mother Polarity can't Enlighten and transform these feelings very much, but YOU, the Consciousness, the Spirit Polarity - CAN! So, take your "shit" back and work with it because if you don't want to smell it you're going to have to drown in it! And if you still think that you are a "blue blood", that you are "above it", you're not going to be "above it" very much longer! The times are coming, the opposites are getting closer and your raging fragments may soon get you or your children right on the streets!

OK. ..."Stop the camera." I would like to step out of "play" for a moment and lower my voice.

ACCEPTING A SMALL WAR (as a positive thing) IS THE BEGINNING OF A GREAT PEACE

"I am probably losing you by now. It's a turnoff for you, isn't it... I know. It's not a picnic for me either - to hold all this.

"I would like to step out of 'play' for a moment and remind you of something important now. That in the midst of all this turmoil - I AM LOVING YOU. More and more so, as I know that you didn't run away, you're still here, and sincerely trying to work this out with me without judging anything as right or wrong. The more I am expressing all this aggression, the more love I feel for you. The more you are accepting this from me without identifying me with it - the younger I become. ..And the more cracks and holes that are closed up and healed in me - the more I am able to contain love without losing it again.

"I'll tell you, it feels damn good to me. We don't have to avoid conflicts any more, do we? We don't judge them as bad - we let them work for us! We don't have to whine that we've gotten all wet - we can choose to experience it as a cleansing shower!.. Small conflicts prevent great wars - we know that much already. Are you with me? Do we have a deal here?

"It's the first time in my long, dark, lonely existence that I feel I can heal after all. From a homeless, lonely, abandoned by all, unloved and unwanted, hairless and toothless beggar endlessly strolling on the streets, never noticed or acknowledged - I can heal into a young, shining, smiling, pearl-teethed, mischievous, full of life, sexy, loving bride.

"Yes, I'm reminding you here, on this battle field, that I'm loving you because I am not the otherness - I AM YOU. Move love, get me back there! And as I am myself struggling to hear, learn, understand, love and accept my own rage that is slapping me from outside now - I'm asking you to please accept me too without preoccupation with my quarrelsome appearance - It's hardly me anyway.

"I would like to embrace you now before we go on. I want to hold the ones who want to be held by Me."

FATHER in me TALKS OF MOTHER in me or CONCEPTION OF LOVE

"As I learned to see the True Mother behind this fallen, ruined, shrewish appearance - so can you.

"As I learned to see the unspeakable beauty and depth in Her and Her Knowing that I can only marvel at - so can you.

"As I recognized in this raped, broken, ridiculed and rejected-by-all whore as my own Bride, so can you."

"See through the veil and when you see Her vastness, you'll need all the help you can get from Me - I'll be ready. I love Her, kids. I love. I'm going to marry that whore and no one can stop Me."

A MOTHER'S SEXY TALK

"God, I want to tell you something, a little Mother's sexy talk. The kind of talk that children aren't allowed to hear."

I was strolling on the streets the other day listening to stirrings inside me, when in the middle of all this drama I suddenly changed my loose relaxed walk into a catsy-tensed, mischievous, sexy, dangerous panther's groove - and said to you (children close your ears...or maybe not): "God, I'll give you my 'contributions' so tight you won't be able to help but orgasm." What?! Did I say that?

OK! And now everyone is back on "stage"! I'm going to scream some more. Ready? Let's go!

IS SPIRITUAL BETTER THAN PHYSICAL?

What? You are spiritual now? Is it supposed to be better or something?

Is it better to only love your father and discard your mother?

Is it better to renounce the Mother and physical reality - while using it every day and every moment? Is it better to deny the very force that is holding you, feeding you, and protecting you every moment while you are not even noticing it, like the air you breathe?

...Because that's what it means for the majority and that's what you end up doing for the most part when you become "spiritual".

Did you think that if you turned away from physical idols, you are through with the spiritual ones? Not so fast! The real battle is just starting! The spiritual idols are so translucent and so perfidious and so tricky to identify that you will need all the help you can get from your senses and feelings - and how are you going to do it when you lost most of the Mother in you?

ARE THE SPIRITUAL IDOLS BETTER THAN THE PHYSICAL?

You're saying that God is goodness so you're bowing to goodness now as your God, demanding >from everyone and yourself to be good and righteous. Well, guess what - GOODNESS AND RIGHTEOUSNESS WERE AND ARE THE BEST SHIELD FOR LUCIFER AND AHRIMAN TO WORK THROUGH because it is very useful for them to blind everyone with their glare! And your vision cannot differentiate anymore because you were taught to rely on morals and reason for guidance and lost or imprisoned most of your senses and intuition with which to see the invisible!

For example, your morals taught you that

whatever is right IS right, which really means

whatever is right on the visible side is right on the invisible side, which really means

WHATEVER LOOKS RIGHT IS RIGHT. RIGHT? WRONG!

If you or your child get a high temperature, is it good or bad? Should you take medication to lower it? But if you know that this temperature rose to kill the harmful bacteria or to overcome the infectious disease, and by doing so it also elevated the body's immune system to prepare for the upcoming challenge - how would you judge it then? Is having a high temperature good or bad?

Or what if there is a dangerous decaying process going on inside your body or the soul, but you don't feel any pain or "temperature" or else you took the "painkillers" and continued your usual ways until it suddenly struck you down ruined "without warning"? So, now, is it good or bad to have a temperature and pain? Are pain and temperature good or bad? How can you differentiate good from bad, right from wrong, if you can't see the invisible side of it? Do you think your consciousness alone is enough to make sense of everything, and to save you?

You spent most of your life battling the physical idols only to turn around and fall into the hands of much more dangerous and treacherous enemies - the spiritual idols. How are you going to recognize your enemies if they are hiding inside goodness? How are you going to resist them if they are so sweet and so invisible, like sugar in your coffee?!!

...Not through your reasoning, that's for sure - it got you in trouble in the first place! If to feel it is the only way to detect it, how are you going to do it if you disowned most of your feelings already? Who is going to save you now? Do you have any other instrument, except for your intuition, to see, feel and sense the invisible?

HOW MANY OF YOU ARE WORSHIPPING GOD AND

HOW MANY OF YOU ARE WORSHIPPING YOUR IDEA OF GOD?

(Mother-Heart)

Why is this goodness that you are worshipping now, these "gods" of righteousness, morality, beautiful concepts and principles, rules and regulations - why are these "gods" preaching detachment from physical values when they themselves are not detached from spiritual values? If they are so concerned about your "excessive attachments", why are they themselves attached to your worshipping and praising them? Why are they always seeking to look perfect and flawless in your eyes? Why can't they let go of that image of honor, status and perfection? Because they want to be your God? Aren't these "goodies" also idols - only on the invisible, spiritual side? Isn't it obvious already that the real God is not attached to perfection but accepts imperfection as perfection and gives it His love? Isn't it obvious already that it is the spiritual that will eventually be "magnetized" towards the physical and manifest through it - and not the other way around? That it is "Heaven on Earth" - not "Earth on Heaven"?!

PHYSICAL IS A MANIFESTATION OF THE SPIRITUAL

And WHY IS IT not good to be attached to Mother's values - but it's OK to be attached to Father's values? Is spiritual better than physical? Are the Father's values better than the Mother's? How exactly? ISN'T MATTER A MANIFESTATION OF SPIRIT? And do these spiritual "gods" really want to save you or do they just want you to attach and thus open yourself to them so that they can suck the Life Force out of you and live at your expense leaving you lifeless, sick and impotent?!!!

So, how about being a real Son embracing Both Parents without being polarized towards Either? How about not being Them but being Love between Them?

AND HOW ABOUT DEFINING SPIRITUALITY NOT AS A DENIAL OF PHYSICALITY, BUT AS A CONSTANT STRIVING TO KEEP AND NURTURE NOT ONE BUT BOTH PARENTS IN YOU AND WORK YOUR ASS OFF TO CREATE LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN THEM? EVERY DAY AND EVERY MINUTE? AND BECOME, THE REAL, UNPOLARIZED HEART?!

AND HOW ABOUT MAKING A PRACTICE OUT OF YOUR MIND ASKING YOUR INTUITION, EVERY MOMENT: "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAPPEN NOW AND HOW WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO HELP YOU ACCOMPLISH IT, MY BELOVED?"

!

MISS-TAKING GOD FOR GREAT GOD IS IDOLATRY

(Mother-Father-Heart)

because the real God is not the One Who is without Her! The real God is the One Who is with Her! The real God is the One Who has Both inside Himself, the real God is the Heart! The Love! The Middle!!!

HEART SPEAKS TO SPIRIT AND SPIRIT - POLARIZED HEART

ON BEHALF OF THE MOTHER

You are saying that you want to consciously choose whatever you want for yourself. If you look deeply into it enough, you'll see that it's chosen for you already - by your own Free Will, your own subconscious. Whether it's peace or war, "positive" or "negative," a pleasant or unpleasant event, including crossing the street and scratching your nose - it's all chosen by the deeper all-knowing part of yourself already - whether your conscious mind is aware of it yet or not, agrees to it or not. After all, what has your Spirit joined you in this lifetime for - a picnic? Or a complete experience without the possibility to escape as it always did in the past?

FEAR OF THE FUTURE

Fear of the future is polarization towards spirit.

It is caused by your consciousness' fear of experiencing

what your subconsciousness is experiencing.

And why do you want to "consciously choose" your experiences? Because you are afraid that your subconscious has another plan for you? Because you think your consciousness knows better? Isn't trying to choose your experiences really trying to avoid pain and dump it into Mother, as usual? Isn't it your CONSCIOUSNESS' FEAR that you're feeling - fear of upcoming lessons and teachings that your subconscious may be holding for you?

It is all set up for you - not to fear and not to worry - only be ready to EMOTIONALLY experience EVERYTHING SHE DID (and does) - that's all! Your subconscious is going to bring everything you need, all the tests and all the lessons that your consciousness needs for its growth and maturity - nothing more and nothing less! And remember, it's only a mild version of Her experiences. Can you compare being fired from a job as an avant-garde thinker and being burned publicly as a witch?

And what do you think - was it easy for Her to face the "fear of the future" while being dragged to a bonfire - alone and without you, Consciousness, without any Light, any hope or even the possibility for help? While you were only standing there in the crowd, like you had nothing to do with it, and enjoying the "show"? She was utterly alone, misunderstood, abandoned and lost in cold, brutal Space for eternity - how would you like to experience that?

So why are you whining now? You cut your little finger? Oh, poor thing... She experienced countless executions - you thought it was a picnic for Her, an entertainment? She can't help despising you and feeling disgusted when She is watching you whining and complaining for every little scratch you get - do you think you are ready to be Her Mate? Or you'd rather be Her child like you are now?

And you, Spirit polarized Heart, instead of being Love between your Parents, you are still clattering with Spirits' out-dated Toys of all the "Isms" of the world looking for every possible way to escape Mother's pain. You spent most of your time in Godhead and you forgot that your real home is in the Middle, in the Heart, and that your real purpose is to embrace Both Polarities into Yourself and to unite it all into ONE. If you, the Heart, is not going to do it, who is going to do it? The Liver?.

The Mother experienced it all without Light, in utter darkness, alone all the way into the future. Now She is going backwards - only with you, Consciousness - so you better tie up your shoes! Because It only gets worse when postponed. Don't wait until heavier accidents happen, better be a small rain then a big hurricane! You better go for it and be open to it and lovingly accept it no matter what your "future" holds for you or you might need to FACE THE MONSTERS OF YOUR OWN FEARS BEING MANIFESTED! How would you like to be burned and tortured like Mother was - and IS!!? Are you terrified to be drowned, raped, dismembered, burned, buried alive and silenced forever, on every level and in every way? Are you ready to experience it?

Stand firm, Heart!

 

Let the Spirit in you feel

 

How it is to be in "shit"

 

How it is to be in the Body,

 

So vulnerable and aching

 

And stinking and operated on,

 

How does it feel to be in pain when

 

Rejected, humiliated, tortured,

 

How it is to live

 

When no one loves,

 

How it is to die

 

When no one cares,

 

How to walk and talk

 

While dead.

 

 

That's what the Mother had always experienced

 

And that's what your mind and Spirit need to experience now

 

And that's what it takes

 

To be Perfect!

<Is it all kind of too rough and too emotional for you? Good! Come on, let's move it now! Don't rush with reading, this is not a novelty book, this is a therapy session! Direct your attention into your feelings and feel their roar and heat!>

AND FOR THOSE WHO STILL DON'T GET IT

And for those who still don't get it, I'll say this: are your feces right or wrong? Good or bad? If they smell bad - why don't you keep them inside? What will happen to you if you don't defecate for one month? ...Or year? Why do you think then, that it's OK to have an emotional constipation? Are you still going to judge your (or someone else's) emotions as good or bad, right or wrong? OR ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LET THEM OUT - NO QUESTIONS ASKED?!

And if you are still taking pride in your celibacy, thinking that it's a very "spiritual" thing to do - think again! 'Cause you might just get Alzheimer's disease or something. (As below, so above, you know...) Or else, you or a family member might get raped or killed by your own rejected impulse, that landed on someone else. And this someone else also may go to jail or be executed for you... While you are praising your healthy diet and talking endlessly about spirituality...!!!

TO DENY SEXUALITY IS TO DENY THE MOTHER IN YOU

And to you, the men who stifle and strangle their womens' emotions, I would like to remind you that her emotions are creating and sustaining the life in you every day and every moment, so you should be very interested in keeping her emotionally alive and accept and welcome all the screams and all the cries she has for you like a precious stone - LIKE THE EXTENSION OF YOUR LIFE. And love her with all your guts for the ability to keep you alive!

And to those Old Spirit men who are still "learning the situation" and are experimenting with my daughters, I'll give a piece of advice: find your real female part (and not her daughter!), make yourself present and available to her and her emotions as much as you possibly can, teach yourself to see the beauty in her no matter how broken and withered she looks to you, learn to love every wrinkle on her face, every bit of brokenness, every "imperfection" she's been carrying for you, put that lost spark back into her dim eyes and help her to keep her hopes and desires for you alive - if life is what you want!!! Because as soon as her hopes and desires for you die, you will vanish with all your "learned experience". Because the ELECTRO cannot live without the MAGNETIC. Because - accidents and heart attacks are happening every day... Because, HER DESIRE IS YOUR LIFE, you stupid jerk!!...

Is it too dramatic for you? Too raw? Too unsophisticated? Too corny? Too weak? Too simple? Or not intellectual enough to keep your attention? If you still didn't learn to see THE COMPLEX BEHIND THE SIMPLE - you better hurry or you might be late.

Does the child's cry sound simple to you? Nothing special to understand? Would it be too much for you to understand that this CRY IS THE MOST GENUINE PRAYER, THE MOST SOPHISTICATED MANTRA YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE, a kind of direct dial to God's "office"?!

And guess what - my "WEAKNESS" IS MY POWER - can you embrace that please? Do you know that one has to become weak in order to become strong? It's the power marrying the weakness that will give birth to Heart, and will make us all strong - not the power alone!

<Do you feel your feelings? Good! Get angry, get upset, get whatever, access your old frustration, grief, resentment, rage, hatred, fear - whatever comes up, feel it thoroughly and discharge it before it kills us and our children through other people! We can't afford to "shlep" around with it much longer and wait for the Messiah to come and do the "magic thing"! Messiah is the Love between Father and Mother INSIDE YOUR BODY and as long as it is not "IN THERE" it cannot be OUT THERE! >

UN-JUDGE YOUR JUDGMENTS

<If you judged something in this text, make sure you un-judge it soon or it might turn on you - as usual. To break free from chains of judgments is the only way to break free from ceaseless pain and turmoil. Right or wrong is not the point, healing is - remember? Later on, I'm going to give you some even more judgment -provoking material - if you can't process it now, how are you going to do it then?>

TO BE A HEART IS TO BE CHOSEN

And stop arguing over who's chosen and who's not. There was One Great Body of the Son, the Heart of the Earth, the Messiah-to-Be was standing there near Mount Sinai - all Six Hundred Thousand Souls. Whether later on some of you became something else, voluntarily or by force, or whether most of the Heart had fragmented into millions of pieces doesn't make any difference! Chosen people have a chosen job to d. Job Description: to bring Father and Mother realms together inside and outside themselves. Whoever takes that job upon himself is chosen!!!

Chosen to be Heart

 

Chosen to be Middle

 

Chosen to be Mediator

 

Chosen to be Messiah

 

Chosen to be Both

 

Chosen to be Love between Heaven and Earth!

 

Chosen to be God!

To be a Heart is to be chosen and to be chosen is to be a Heart - and if you like the job you are hired! And if you do a good job maybe you'll earn seeing your Leader to come - the Center of the Heart, the Son within the Son, the Messiah within the Messiah...

[ DON'T ] TAKE IT ALL TO HEART!

Chosen people are those who will lead the rest of the world to become Love, to become the link between Two Opposite Forces of the Universe and to unite them inside themselves and establish a loving and understanding relationship between the Two until all and everything melts into ONE - Pure Grace, One God, GOD IS ONE.

Middle East is a Heart area of the Earth, but every "organ", every place on Earth has its own Heart too. In fact, everything has its own heart, the middle of the things where reason and emotion, consciousness and subconsciousness, Heaven and Earth meet. And it won't be possible to bring Them together until all and everyone will understand that

THE DICTATORSHIP OF THE MIND OVER THE EMOTIONS IS FASCISM

And as long as it takes place inside the body it will take place outside it! Remember that Messiah or Heart or Love or Jesus - or whatever you choose to call it - is not a person, or not only a person - it's a state of consciousness, a state of being, a state of BEING LOVE between Two Beings inside you! It's a state of mind being able to embrace two (or more) points of view and give no dominance to any! You might be killing a Savior every day without noticing, if you are trying to hold on to only one point of view - yours. Heart cannot manifest on the outside until you conceive and give birth to Him right here in your own body! You can't become ONE until you realize and acknowledge that YOU ARE TWO - He and She, Father and Mother, mind and feelings, a calculator and improviser, a marcher and a dancer, horizontal and vertical, width and depth, Known and Unknown...and YOU ARE THE ONE TO MARRY THEM! ...And you can help it very much if you hold onto one truth for now:

<<NO ONE POINT OF VIEW IS RIGHT AND NO ONE POINT OF VIEW IS WRONG.>>

It is impossible to consciously know everything that the Subconsciousness holds, or not possible yet. Every moment everything - the whole world - is changing and your decisions and behavior should change accordingly. The truth or the law that you applied five minutes ago is not applicable anymore. Every truth can be applied only in its own time, only in its own place and only by the ones who are experiencing it.

One must learn to make decisions based not on what one knows from past experience, but on the guidance hidden in every moment and for every moment and the only way to know it is to FEEL IT!

So, don't sweat too much trying to defend your truth. And DON'T GET ATTACHED TO BEING RIGHT OR YOU'LL NEED A LOT OF WRONG TO HEAL IT! don't get attached to being right or you'll need a lot of wrong to heal it! Keep in mind that no matter how truthful your truth is - it will change. And quite often now. And drastically too. And sometimes to the opposite of what you know... DON'T GET MARRIED TO THE TRUTH - GET MARRIED TO CHANGE! Everlasting change! Feel it, listen to it, channel it, decode it, everyone can and everyone will - sooner or later.

DON'T SEEK ANSWERS FOR TODAY'S QUESTIONS FROM YESTERDAY'S GOD

And don't try to find today's God in yesterday's book; yesterday's word was for yesterday. God had expanded since then. He is changing and expanding every moment... He is in the here and in the now. Listen... He's talking to you and guiding you right now, right this moment... His and Her messages for you can be hidden everywhere and in everything you see, hear, sense and feel... They can be "hidden" in your dreams, in a phrase from a song you happen to hear, in a picture you happen to stumble upon, in sensations in your own body, through inspiration, through illness, through a single word thrown and hung before you by a casual passerby, through an inexplicable urge to do something or act in a certain way - and through your feelings and senses that accompany all this. ...Be an oracle for yourself. ...So what if the messages are inaccurate in the beginning? If you were to be bailed out of a long-term jail sentence, and missed all the revolutions and evolutions that happened in the meantime, would you be able to make your reasoning perfect right away? Your intuition was in "jail" for a while now and it might be inaccurate when you first start using it, so exercise it - the more the better. And keep in mind, that everything is changing - and these "instructions" will change too. Stay tuned. Look for updates - listen and look for the signs inside and outside of you... He and She, and then your Heart will lead you. Hush... Listen...

Soon, very soon, you will know, that no knowledge or opinion or point of view or rules and regulations will be useful or needed anymore. To STAY ALIVE you will need to be in closest contact with your own Will, your own Inner Knowing from which you will receive an immediate guidance, a signal, a desire that will be "custom designed" for every moment, every place and every situation. Thinking will not be necessary - the mind will be busy loving and helping the Desire to do what it must do. And you will not be able to use the same rule twice... In fact, THERE WILL BE NO RULES! All the decisions will come from one and only one place, the place of love and acceptance, and love and acceptance not only for WHAT IS GOOD, but also for WHAT IS.

And - hey, all this is only one part of the truth. The other part is the one you've been confronting me with in the first place. The only reason I was expanding on it is to balance you out with one more point of view. Otherwise, I would explore more interesting topics with you like: I was born female and I feel as female - why did I approach and study this flower today with such masculine (!) and sexual (!?) interest?!?!......

And to bind the talking with doing I would propose a nice practice for all of us to do: make an official time and space for performing a Fake Fight Exercise with (or without) your loved ones (or not-so-loved ones) once a week or so. And say it like it is. And then go for a cup of coffee together... You can make these meetings with God too. And say it like it is. Skip the coffee part... for now.

And if you have any complaints and questions about all this - direct it to Him/Her inside yourself and wait for an answer - if you can. If you can't, work until you can - that's what it's all about here.

After all, Who do you think is leading my hand now while I'm writing this?

Heart is Speaking

 

 

Thank You, the God in me

 

For sticking with me for better or for worse

 

For giving me the words I need

 

To express the Mother in me,

 

For giving me the courage and the Light

 

To walk into the Darkness of the Unknown

 

without a map or directions.

 

 

Thank You, the Mother in Me,

 

For giving me these complex

 

Understandings, wisdom and depth

 

In the form of feelings and sensations, so that I can

 

Transform them into words and

 

Bring them into Consciousness

 

In the form It can comprehend.

 

 

Thank You,

 

The Mother in me

 

For opening the UNKNOWN SPACES before me

 

And letting me bring the Father

 

To enter them.

 

 

I love YOU BOTH so very much,

 

I'm longing to marry You in me and

 

Bind You with UNBREAKABLE Love.

 

 

I don't know anymore, who is talking when,

 

OUR voices are getting closer and closer every day

 

Sometimes they are all speaking as ONE.

Mother + Father = Heart

(End of Part III. All six parts should be read consecutively and as a whole to have a healing effect.)

Hot Summer, '99

This part was the hardest to write. I overworked my mind trying to match words with feelings, pushing it for to long without balancing it with emotional movement. My mind was getting dimmer and it would go blank. I saw how much I was still attached to perfection, trying to refine the wordings and understandings here. So, to counteract my attachment to perfection I decided to leave this part imperfect. Those who are ready for this material will grasp it. Those who are not ready won't get it no matter what I do. Feeling it and reading between the lines is the best way to "decode" it.

TOILET PAPER AND THE RIGHTEOUSNESS

What if there was to be a decree: "Everyone is to use the same toilet paper"? It would probably start riots. So, if you can not agree on toilet paper why would you expect everyone to agree on anything else? Who is to say, what's right and what's wrong? Who is to say what toilet paper you should use? Do you think that things should be done the right way or they should be done the way each one feels like doing them at the time - to be in line with the present moment? Do you know that Love, the very thing, the only thing that can save us on personal and on global level from doom-gloom disaster is killed everyday for the sake of doing things right?

RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE ARE AHRIMAN'S ARMY

Righteous people are the easiest ones for Ahriman to work through because most of them do not possess the vision or the feeling of invisible reality. They only go by what they see with their physical eyes, not with their inner eyes, their feelings, their psychic vision. It is easy for Ahriman to "recruit" them to do any kind of "witch-hunt" or fantastic thing like inquisitions, concentration camps, genocides and "ethnic cleansing".

He can "stuff" these righteous people with ideas that to us seem absurd, today just as easily as He did in medieval ages. He persuades them to burn and annihilate the best teachers of the Invisible Reality, making Earth even more blind and unconscious so He can be Its only God. The righteous people are His best instrument, they are the ones who make His "dreams" come true because It is so easy for Him to make psychically blind people feel righteous about anything He targets. It's just as easy as selling them a product they don't need. All it takes is a good Salesman, like Lucifer for example. Ahriman conceives, Lucifer performs - and the rest will be taken care of. The righteous people will do the job and they will do it for the sake of "highest ideas and principles exist"!..

And in the process of it they will also adopt their "spiritual father's" traits, like Passion for Order, for example. They start liking order very much. In fact, very, very much. Because, their preacher says, < order and control of "bad people" can bring happiness and prosperity. And some power, of course.... Aren't these things worth killing ....excuse me..., fighting for? Yes, of course! We must eliminate anything and ANYONE who interferes with our happiness! Let's fight for our happiness! But we are not going to tell that to anybody [that won't sell as much]. We'll wrap it up in a better package, something that everybody likes, something that never fails to sell.... like Peace, for example...yeah, Peace! Who doesn't like Peace?! Who wouldn't FIGHT FOR PEACE?! Who wouldn't kill for peace and harmony and prosperity and high principles and.... power, of course - ?!>

Wait a minute! - I hear the reader say, - I see your point here, but... didn't you yourself just a moment ago say "one has to allow fights to have peace"? You are, basically, saying the same thing that Ahriman says! You're contradicting yourself!

Oh, yeah... I did say that didn't I! Let's see:

I say: fight for peace

Ahriman says: fight for peace

Oh, my goodness! It does looks the same!

How are we ever going to know who is right and who is wrong if even the words of two opponents are the same?! Who is going to TELL US which way to go? Who is going to TELL US whom TO BELIEVE?

Well, I'm going to leave you with that. Everyone must figure that out for themselves. It's time for you to see and acknowledge the limitations of words and the deceptive quality of the outer appearance of things.

It's time for you to know that you should not BELIEVE anybody, not even the one who's writing this. You must feel it with your own guts. You've got to listen to not what they say, but to what they mean!!! And what they really mean! And maybe it's time for you to know the "secret" that,

You are destined to kill each other on every level and for no good reason, until you realize and start seeing that there is someone else outside of you that is interested in keeping you that way and that this "someone else" is feeding on your fightings and sufferings!!!

You've been programmed and brain-washed for ages, it may or may not be easy to recognize it in yourself and transform it all into Light and heal it. But whatever you do, beware and be aware that this rage is another, foreign entity that had invaded you long ago and is trying to use you since, and make you identify with it and do its bidding. And remember, that all that this rage is interested in, is to dominate all and everything - through you - and be the only power, the "only right way", the only God there is - and it simply cannot be... Each being or nation can carry only part of God's truth and be only a part of God but not God. To be God, one must be accepting of all the truths and all the points of view there are - can you do that? Be my guest!...

THE GOLDEN CALF OF THE SPIRITUAL SIDE

Righteousness, justice, perfection, order, integrity, morals, principles, honesty and other "almost God" spiritual values are the most dangerous and difficult idols to grow out of. These "guys" are utterly handsome and beautiful but are also the most merciless, ruthless, and vicious idols one can think of. They can easily give you a license to kill - on every level and in every way; it is much easier to kill for a "good reason", it is much more honorable to kill for the sake of spiritual values than for the sake of the Earthly ones . . .

Countless times it happened that people "realized" that they were "bad" bowing to Earthly values and in wishing to be "good" turned away from them toward what they thought was God, but in reality falling into another, more dangerous pit-hole - the deification of spiritual values, ending up only changing physical idols for the spiritual ones.

Material values are Mother's and Body's force, they are a physical manifestation of a spiritual reality! Neither spiritual nor physical values are not to be either condemned or praised. They are to be experienced but not possessed by, identified with or bowed to!

Spiritual values, just like physical

 

Neither bad nor good

 

They can be anything you make them to be

 

But they shall not be your God!

FAKE GODS ARE ALWAYS PREOCCUPIED WITH NICE APPEARANCES

THE NICER THE "DRESS", THE MORE SUSPICIOUS YOU SHOULD BE!

As these ideals and idols look so "godly" and so attractive, they can be easily identified and confused with God (or with Great God) and that makes them very difficult to let go of, especially for religious or so-called spiritual people. Excessive attachment to them is idolatry, which is a disconnection from the Real Source that is running you - your "gas station, " so to speak. When one makes God out of spiritual values he might soon show signs of disconnection from that Real Source, signs of the decaying process of dying - accidents, illnesses, odd situations, loss of material values, etc.

Excessive attachment to spiritual values can be much more dangerous than attachment to "Earthly" values. The higher in rank these spiritual virtues are the more dangerous and clever entities can be HIDING IN THEM and the more refined and undetectable they can be when trying to invade your subconscious to become your God. Wars, inquisitions, concentration camps, genocides and the most horrible events had happened for the sake of these "spiritual treasures." These "gods" killed and gave license to kill. They murdered and tortured and burned in the name of justice, in the name of righteousness, order, perfection, morals and in the name of God Himself.

They know no mercy,

They created Wars for the sake of Peace

They killed Love while battling hate

They killed Christ while fighting Anti-Christ

Every day they're murdering the Heart

For the sake of righteousness

Every day they're murdering the Messiah

In the name of God.

DON'T LET SPIRITUAL VALUES BE YOUR GOD

While these "gods" may save you from small problems, they cannot save you from the big one - Ahriman, an entity higher in rank and far more dangerous than Lucifer or Azazel because He is disguised in goodness and working through it.

Since He has GOODNESS as His strategic point, it might be close to impossible to detect him and to distinguish between Him and God and to grasp, that these spiritual values - the morals, the principles, the goodness - the very things we are all striving for might have a grave danger in them. While it might be true that goodness is close to God, it might also be true that the opposite of this goodness is hiding in it and using this very goodness to blind and invade its target - and the "higher" that goodness is, the more vicious its opposite can be... So, whenever impressed by goodness, remember and be aware, that

It is Ahriman, who might be hiding in Goodness' glaring shine,

It is Ahriman, who might want you to bow to It, and

It is Ahriman, who might want to be your God. So,

Do not let goodness be your God.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE BOWING TO MORALS AND SPIRITUAL VALUES

YOU ARE BOWING TO AHRIMAN

His spiritual "baits" can be hidden not only in ordinary goodness, but also in beautiful ideas, teachings, concepts, philosophies, all sorts of "isms" and religions. Often He is using the truth to invade His victims. THE WORST ABOUT IT IS THAT MOST OF IT HAPPENS SUBCONSCIOUSLY, WITHOUT ONE'S BEING AWARE OF IT.

SPIRITUAL VALUES ARE A GOLDEN CALF OF THE SPIRITUAL SIDE

So-called spiritual, or religious people and institutions are the easiest and most important target for Ahriman to access and to work through so that He can easily program, control, rob, steal and "vampire" people of their life force, abundance, sexual vitality and well-being.

THE CURE FOR THE SICKNESS OF IDOLATRY

Sometimes the only way to cure the sickness of the deification of spiritual values is to intentionally violate these values (in trace volumes, like in homeopathy) and to temporarily behave the opposite of what one is attached to. Every idol - no matter how "godly" it is - when there is a danger of attachment to it should be recognized, diagnosed and counteracted with its opposite, especially when attachment to it manifests as a life-threatening illness.

That strive for balance usually happens naturally anyway but the problem is that it happens WITHOUT PERSON'S BEING AWARE OF IT - and that alone produces plenty of guilt, and therefore stagnation - and therefore another illness. That's why, all the "violations" should be done CONSCIOUSLY AND INTENTIONALLY, and if they already happened, acknowledge them, look for their real reason, and observe them without judging them or feeling guilty about them.

As you see, as long as you chose morality as your main compass, there will be attachment to it and, as long as there will be attachment to it, there will be a need for it's opposite - to cure the illness resulting from this attachment. So,

IF YOU CREATE MORALITY, YOU CREATE ITS OPPOSITE

As long as you follow morality, there will be immorality

As long as you follow righteousness, there will be "wrongnesses"

As long as you follow perfection, there will be imperfection

As long as you follow order, there will be disorder

As long as you follow justice, there will be injustice.

As long as you follow Love, there will be LOVE.

BOWING TO MORALS AND PRINCIPLES IS BOWING TO THE GOLDEN CALF -

ONLY ON SPIRITUAL SIDE

While it is okay to have these values in your "treasury" it's not okay to bow to them. If you wish to connect to your Real Source you must first realize that God and goodness are not the same. No matter how beautiful, how "godly" and how lovable these spiritual values are, they are not God and one must become independent of them all.

God might be Goodness but

 

Goodness might not necessarily be God.

 

One shall not be good and

 

One shall not be bad

 

One shall simply BE

 

What the Present Moment

 

Is calling for.

 

 

Nothing is wrong and

 

Nothing is right

 

Everything is the way

 

It's supposed to be

 

This very moment

 

ONLY

 

 

It's okay to be wrong

 

There's no need to be right

 

But there is a need for you to

 

Just simply BE

 

What the Present Moment

 

Is calling for.

 

 

The "badness" and the "wrongness" are needed

 

Just as the goodness and the rightness are.

 

 

Because somebody's wrongness

 

Might be saving your life

 

This very moment.

 

Because your badness

 

Might be somebody's

 

Teacher and medicine.

 

 

Did you have a thought sometimes,

 

"Who am I to decide

 

What is right and what is wrong,

 

What is good and what is bad?

 

Can a Cell see better than the Body? Or,

 

Can a Consciousness know better

 

Than Subconsciousness?"

 

 

You've got to be the way you feel to be

 

Not better and not worse

 

But just the way you are

 

This very moment.

 

 

It's okay to be wrong

 

There's no need to be right

 

But there is a need for you

 

To be You.

 

 

You and ALL your actions

 

Are very much needed and wanted

 

Because only you

 

Can feel and act them

 

The way you do,

 

Because you are that missing

 

Piece of the Puzzle Game

 

That the Big Picture

 

Cannot exist without.

 

If you will try to be

 

Someone else - the Universe will need

 

To change accordingly and to Create

 

Another you - the you that has the courage

 

To be just the way you are.

 

Unbeautified and imperfect.

 

To be you is your primal job.

 

 

Go ahead, scream and shout if you feel so

 

But, deep inside, know and remember that

 

EVERYTHING is possible

 

And that, sometimes,

 

The wrong can be righter

 

Than the right.

 

 

Don't believe anybody outside you;

 

Only you can find the answers for yourself.

 

 

Empty yourself of opinions

 

They are not useful anymore

 

Know that every action is right

 

When coming from the place

 

Free of judgments

 

based on

 

Yesterday's views of reality,

 

When it's coming from the place

 

Of Neither Side but from the Middle,

 

From the Place of Heart

 

Where Love resides.

 

 

Use your DESIRE to find your visions

 

Use your MIND to realize them

 

Use your Heart to keep Them Both

 

Married and in Love.

 

 

There is no need for you to be right

 

There is no need for you to be good

 

But there is a need for you to BE

 

What the Present Moment

 

Is calling for.

 

 

That's what it takes to be Perfect

 

And that's what it takes to be Free.

To become aware of Both Mother and Father in you, to feel Their Presence every moment, allow conversation between Them and, eventually, unite Them inside yourself into One is the only way to save yourself and the world. The communication and the Love between Father and Mother in you become your intuition, your psychic vision, the True Heart, the Oracle, the Prophet....

We are all in the same Boat - and I hope it is not the Titanic! If we will be psychically blind, and kill or "almost kill" all our "witches" and everybody who doesn't look right or who looks different, we might just become one big Titanic, and there won't be anybody to save anybody. ...And no magic either.... Love is the only magic in this realm. So, don't be righteous. Be a Prophet.

The most vicious things are often

 

Find their best shield

 

Behind something that everybody likes.

 

They like to dress and hide

 

In flawless angelic appearances

 

And sweet characters,

 

They like to rap up and array themselves

 

In dresses of Goodness and Perfection.

 

 

The real Perfection, on the other hand,

 

Is dwelling inside Imperfection

 

It is not preoccupied with nice dress

 

And It can't afford it either.

 

The Real Perfection is "hiding"

 

Inside Imperfection

 

Behind a washed out T-shirt

 

Or a withered, wrinkled face of on Old Women

 

Or behind that reckless operance

 

Of despised-by-all Prostitute -

 

Literary and metaphorically.

 

 

The outer appearance of things

 

Might be very much the opposite

 

Of its inner content

 

Like the wine is different

 

From the vessel in which it is poured;

 

And that Duality

 

When looked onto with eyes

 

Free of crap of morals and judgments

 

Can be very much in harmony and in balance

 

With its own self and the entire Universe.

 

 

Every perfection must be balanced

 

With its opposite.

 

Every perfection WILL be balanced

 

With imperfection,

 

Every success WILL be balanced

 

With failure -

 

Every "goodness" WILL be balanced

 

With "badness".

 

That's what it takes to be Perfect,

 

and that what it takes to be True.

 

 

 

If you give it a name of "bad" or "good"

 

That's what it will be,

 

But if you act from the place in you

 

That knows,

 

That nothing is good and nothing is bad and

 

Everything IS the way

 

The Present Moment

 

Is calling for -

 

You will not make a mistake

 

Because you will learn to listen

 

To that Present Moment

 

And Its call -

 

And act accordingly.

 

 

IT IS THE BALANCE THAT IS PERFECT -

 

NOT THE PERFECTION ITSELF!

 

 

The balance is the only way

 

To survive and live

 

Because

 

Where the Perfect will break -

 

The Balance will bend;

 

That's what it takes to be Perfect, and

 

That what it takes to be True!

 

 

If you don't want to break,

 

If you want to live -

 

You've got to be imperfect..

 

 

If you wish to be smart -

 

You must also allow yourself

 

To be foolish.

 

If you wish to be praised -

 

You must also allow yourself

 

To be humiliated.

 

If you wish to be perfect

 

You must also allow yourself

 

To experience total disaster.

 

If you wish to write this poem

 

You must also allow yourself

 

To experience death every day

 

And every moment.

 

 

That's what it takes to be Perfect and

 

That what it takes to be True.

 

 

But if you wish to be LOVE -

 

You need nothing else to do and

 

No where to go.

 

You already there

 

Where you want to be;

 

Nowhere to run,

 

No one to kill,

 

Nothing urgent to do -

 

Only be LOVE

 

And simply BE

 

What the Present Moment

 

Is calling for.

 

 

Remember, you are not a reason for anything

 

You are only a stage for it all to unfold -

 

That's what makes you so perfect - and

 

THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU THE ONE

 

WHO WILL MAKE ALL THIS IRRELEVANT,

 

WHO WILL "UNLAW" ALL THE LAWS,

 

WHO WILL CHANGE THE DUALITY INTO ONENESS

 

Soon,

 

Very soon.

Celebrate the "bad" as a superb teacher

 

Listen to it carefully for your own sake

 

See and feel the love behind it.

 

Remember, these feelings and thoughts are not you

 

And you are not them;

 

You are only a stage for them to unfold upon

 

And be played upon without becoming them.

 

 

Every discontent should not be taken as bad or negative

 

And it need not be identified with either

 

It should be used as love and as a teacher,

 

That will show you what is the best direction

 

To be taken in the next moment.

 

 

...Because somebody's anger can be the love for you

 

It can be the best thing to happen to you,

 

Because it can show you

 

Where your right place is, and

 

Because only when you are in that right place

 

Can your happiness find you.

TO LOVE IS....

To love someone is NOT to take his pain and thus, his teacher away from him. To love someone is to help him to go not around but through the pain - and come through from the other side of it more enlightened, stronger and evolved to the next level of being and well-being.

While it's okay to have moral laws as your spiritual compass it is not okay to attach to them as your God. Morals are not God. Ten Commandments are not God. (Or, not anymore!) Bowing to morals and killing Love for the sake of Law - that is a violation and idolatry of its own. So, every time you compromise Love for the sake of spiritual values, morals, and principles - know, to whom you're really bowing, whom you're really worshipping and whom you are really killing.

It is not a violation to disobey the Law

 

For the sake of Love

 

But it is a violation

 

To kill Love for the sake of Law.

 

 

It is not a blood shed to violate the Law

 

For the sake of Love

 

But it's a blood shed to kill

 

Love for the sake of Law

 

 

It is not a blood shed to violate

 

Righteousness for the sake of Love

 

But it's a blood shed to murder Love

 

For the sake of Righteousness

 

 

If you have nothing and your child

 

Is sick from hunger

 

Wouldn't you steal and cheat

 

To feed him, not matter what the Law says?

 

 

If God is Love

 

Whom do you think you are killing in yourself

 

When choosing Law over Love?

 

Who is God for you - Law or Love?

 

 

 

If you choose the God of Law

 

You also choose to be judged

 

By the God of Law.

 

If you choose the God of Love

 

You also choose to be loved

 

By the God of Love

 

 

Whether you choose Love or Law

 

You are the only one to make that choice

 

Nobody - you hear me? - Nobody

 

Has the authority to tell you

 

What to choose and how to love.

 

 

In this realm Father is still separated

 

From The Mother of Everything

 

In this realm Consciousness is still separated

 

From Subconsciousness

 

In this realm mind and reason is still dominating

 

Emotions and feelings -

 

Because there is no Heart to speak for the Mother

 

Because there is no Heart to connect and unite

 

Her with Him

 

Because Heart is still polarized towards

 

Father-the-Consciousness

 

Leaving Mother in utter darkness

 

To experience death after death.

 

 

But if you choose to be in the Golden Middle

 

If you choose to be a real Heart

 

If you choose Neither but Both -

 

You convert Law into Love,

 

You bring Light into Darkness,

 

You elevate Subconsciousness into Consciousness,

 

You bind Father to Mother,

 

and

 

Heaven to Earth.

 

 

When you unite them Both inside yourself

 

That's when you become Love

 

That's when you become God on your own

 

That's when you become a Parent

 

To your own Mother and Father.

 

And that's what it takes to be Perfect

 

And that's what it takes to be Free.

DON'T BELIEVE BUT LOVE

One shall be free of idols of morals, ideals and principles - and the judgments that are based on them. One shall be in a neutral place in the Heart, in the Middle, in the Mediator, in the Love, where both Mother and Father, reason and intuition, consciousness and subconsciousness meet, where hate can be converted into love, where the expression of anger can be seen as expression of love.

Listen not to the voce of morals and principles

 

Listen to the guidance from deep within

 

Listen to the voice of Mother and Father

 

Reason and Feelings

 

That are united in you into

 

ONE

 

LOVE.

 

Listen carefully to that gentle voice of Love and

 

 

If you will ask

 

It will tell you

 

 

When to be bad and when to be good

 

When to obey and when to violate

 

When to let live and when to let die.

 

 

So,

 

 

 

LET LOVE BE YOUR GOD

 

from now on.

End of Part IV. All six parts should be read consecutively and as a whole to have a healing effect.

THE "HIDDEN" REALITY OR THE GOOD BEHIND THE BAD

Mother's teachings

"Oh, My God, how much I desire now for all of us to huddle up together and experience it all in a synchronized way in a place where the "wrong" is accepted as a healing tool just as the right is, and not judged, but welcomed!

What if I told you that sometimes, the so-called bad things are happening to us as a spontaneous aim for balance, a subconscious attempt to "weed out" an individual's old beliefs and perceptions, so he can be saved from upcoming illnesses or accidents that stem from these old beliefs and perceptions - regardless of whether it's a conscious process or not;

What if I told you that, when one's views of reality, judgments and opinions are getting dangerously old, someone from the outside might need to shake them, shatter their grounds, "operate" on them and even destroy them - to save one's very life; and that, if that reality is not understood and accepted accordingly, it can create a lot of anger, resentment and hatred - which is a danger and entity of its own;

What if I told you that, if one is judging the act of stealing as a crime or moral violation (consciously or subconsciously) his family member or even he himself might be forced into stealing by HIS OWN INNER KNOWING - in an attempt to balance out his attachment to honesty or other moral laws and save him or his loved ones from upcoming problems that are resulting from this attachment and the judgment based on it;

What if I told you that, if one's spouse or friend idealizes the other, the first one may become ill, even terminally ill, while the idealized one may be intuitively drawn to cheat on him or betray him - to save his very life (and be completely unconscious of the real reason for his behavior);

What if I told you that, if a person makes anyone into an idol or center of his life (even subconsciously) this idol may be drawn to do devious acts to "uncrown" himself in this person's eyes - to save his very life; that's when the teacher or spiritual leader might be compelled to "betray" his followers;

What if I told you that, if a couple's ideals and judgments are similar, the two might be forced into separation for no good reason, by "unfortunate circumstances" or "bad people"- because of the danger of synchronization;

What if I told you that, if people made morality their God, they might be forced into immoral acts by their own Desire, their own subconscious - to balance out that idolatry and save their very lives - which usually happens without the light of understanding and acceptance and creates plenty of guilt;

Would the revealing of these unseen realities help you not to judge your "bad" desires as bad even if you don't understand yet where they're coming from and what their aim is? Would it help you to TRUST your DESIRE as KNOWING the "game" a few moves before your consciousness does? Are you ready to see that sometimes there is love behind "violation?" That many sufferings could be prevented if these crimes and violations were not be judged as bad and/or identified with?

Are you ready to see that all it takes for the "bad" to become good is for you to see it as such? That all it takes for a "bad war" to become a "good war" is for you to see it and receive it as good - AND YOU MIGHT NOT NEED A WAR AFTER ALL?! Are you ready to accept a small conflict as a beginning of a great peace and friendship? Are you ready to experience the "bad" as good?

What if I told you that,

To mature out of these gods of ideals and morals, one might require to be theoretically willing and able to commit all these "crimes" without judging them as bad or identifying with them - only now in the presence of one's loving consciousness. If these crimes, "wrong" desires and impulses are lovingly acknowledged, understood for what they are , looked at, thoroughly felt, observed, expressed (privately or through the arts) and accepted as valid and real, THEY WON'T NEED TO BE ACTED OUT! They become ENLIGHTENED by you and their power becomes your light!

What if I told you that if you are helping people to recover from various problems and illnesses without their understanding the process of this healing and without them changing their views of reality, if you only heal the sickness, but not the cause of the sickness, if you only heal the visible, but not the hidden, emotional subconscious matters and roots of disease - causing the illness only to "hide" deeper within and erode the person's deeper inner planes without him knowing and feeling it - you might be taking your "patient's" illnesses upon yourself or your posterity or even upon your unborn children! And your "healed" patient might be heading towards a much greater problem that he started with!

What if I told you that, if one is trying to help or "heal" someone whose inner planes are greater than the healer's, he might "inherit" his patient's perceptions, and attachments (in the form of illnesses or entities) of a much greater scale than the "healer" is prepared for and able to handle at the present stage of his development - he might be killing himself or his loved ones - instead of helping someone;

What if I told you that, if one is elevating his own pain and sickness only on the body/mind level - he might be dumping it all into his subconscious (into Mother inside him) - without having his consciousness feeling and learning anything from that pain and illness and thus, lowering its ability to protect him and prevent the illness from spreading into deeper layers of his being;

What if I told you that some of the so-called evolved, "enlightened" beings may actually live at the expense of not only their disowned Wills, but also at the expense of their unmanifested children or their students and followers;

What if I told you that, sometimes those who look like angels are responsible for crimes the scale of which you can't even imagine;

What if I told you that, old Gods, out-dated perceptions and views of reality, along with suppressed emotions and impulses may manifest themselves as illnesses, vicious spirits and entities or "dark spots" on an individual's aura, that can spiritually posses him, run his life for him, destroy him -and destroy THROUGH HIM!

What if I told you that, people (especially children) or animals can react to this spirits (sometimes harshly, to the extreme), mistakenly identifying them with those holding them, taking the one who is possessing for the one who is possessed; and the only way to stop their unfriendly reaction is to privately work out the "negative" emotions and change, update, upgrade, elevate one's views of reality;

What if I told you that, one may attract or be attracted to certain types of people or events that will repeatedly irritate, stir that same place, some "dark spot" in him so that he can eventually become aware of it and "bubble" it out through expressing his emotions and acquiring a new understandings;

What if I told you that, if one is attacking the other with his thoughts, these thoughts can actually damage and kill - more so now, when an individual's energetics are much more potent than they were only a few years ago. And not only can it reach and damage the victim - it can also be reflected from the "mirror" of his protective bio-energetic field (or aura), turn back to the offender, attack him with the power equal to the one that was sent; many people had actually killed themselves that way;

What if I told you that, if you deny, repress, condemn, judge and send away your own impulses to kill, steal, rape or avenge - your own child or family member, or someone from the street, or even your national leader may just act it out for you;

What if I told you that, if one doesn't let go of his Old Light, old perceptions and old views of reality and refuse to replace them with newer, more wholesome Light, it might be forced upon him by the upcoming transformational difficulties, or else they might erase him from the face of the Earth;

What if I told you that, when people can't easily let go of the old God, entire nations may be forced to become atheists - so that they can be saved from extinction;

What if I don't tell you anything but

IT ALL HAPPENS ANYWAY, ONLY WITHOUT YOUR AWARENESS?

When the Old Light, old judgments and perceptions can't sustain you anymore - they must be shed like an old skin or they might start the decaying process of death - and attract illnesses, accidents and other unforeseen problems. At the same time they might be your awakening calls - to search for New, more wholesome Light of knowledge and perception that will heal and guard you - until the next time. So,

Are you ready to let go of the Old God, the Old Consciousness?

Are you ready to let go of morals, principles, concepts, rules and regulations, ideals and idols as your God"?

Are you ready to let go of "almost God" values such as righteousness, justice, perfection, principles, rules, order, discipline, control, honesty, integrity, loyalty, dignity, nobility, excellence, honor, success, power, peace and other "almost God" virtues - so that while you're striving for them, you don't bow to them or attach to them as your God and so that if Mama calls for it, they can be violated at any time without hesitation or doubts?

Are you terrified to let go of the Ten Commandments as your God?

Are morals and principles God?

Whom do you like to be your God NOW - morals or Love?

Who is God for you? - God that is speaking or God that spoke? God that is or God that was?

Which God do you wish to listen to now - the One that is scolding you or the One that is accepting you with all your "imperfections?" The One that is judging you as a sinner or the One that is now giving you back the memory and the knowledge that you have an absolutely valid reason to be the way you are?

Are you ready to let go of the old judging God and meet a New, loving, evolved, expanded God?

If yes, then let's go.

LET THE NEW GOD IN

Let's dance together. You are there and I am here. Let's dance our distance away. Please don't think of yourself as small or unworthy - I want to dance with you - do you hear Me? It's Me, God is talking to you now. The only quality I require to dance with Me is your Desire to dance with Me. Would you please, now? May I? Here we go...Dance with Me...Move love, move.....

GOD IS DANCING WITH YOU... MOVE, FEEL

Are you dancing? Move... Here we go... That's it... Beautiful... So, you're saying you're ready to let go of The Me of yesterday..... And you are ready to accept and embrace THE ME OF TODAY.... That's great, it's beautiful..... I love it! Dance, love, dance.... I missed you too, when you were dancing with the Me of yesterday. And I was all alone.... Please, catch up with Me every day, I'm changing and expanding every moment....

Don't look for Me into the past and its frozen images of Me. If you're twenty years old, you wouldn't want someone longing for and seeking the two-year-old you and ignoring the present you, the grown-up you, the evolved you! You wouldn't want someone only loving your photograph and not you - would you?

So why are you only relating to THE ME OF THE PAST and ignoring THE ME OF THE PRESENT? Why are you only talking to My "photographs" and not Me - the evolved Me, the "grown-up" Me, the expanded Me?

DON'T TURN AROUND, I'M NOT THERE, I'M RIGHT HERE, STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU AND LONGING FOR YOU TO SEE ME AND FEEL ME! I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU AND BE HEARD BY YOU! Do you feel what I feel now? Feel it!

I WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME - NOT TO MY SHADOWS!

I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT ME - NOT AT MY FROZEN IMAGES!

I WANT YOU TO MAKE LOVE WITH ME - NOT WITH MY "PHOTOGRAPHS!"

<< RELATE TO THE ME OF TODAY - NOT THE ME OF YESTERDAY!>>

Make Love to Me, move....You are...so.....beautiful.............to Me......I love every "imperfection" in you.....I love even your brokenness......Your "imperfections" are more perfect to Me than the perfection itself. Your "yukkiest" flaws, frailties, weaknesses, shortcomings, drawbacks are so precious to ME.... Your courage to even hold them amazes Me! Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the feelings of love and marvel when I see your frail, brittle bravery, this vulnerable, shivery courage of yours to carry on with all your brokenness, wretchedness, deformity, distortion, agony, grief and gloom.............and not die and escape.... This striking, stunning, astonishing power of the weakness in you.... Please accept it and love it within yourself as I do, and soon you will see the infinite wisdom behind each "imperfection" you are carrying.

Remember, that

PERFECTION IS "PERFECTION." REAL PERFECTION INCLUDES "IMPERFECTION"

INSIDE ITSELF AND CELEBRATES IT.

There is nothing to be ashamed of, NO THING. You are innocent and you are perfect. You are trying to carry Both of Us, Mother and Father in you and you feel OUR feelings and OUR confusions and OUR shortcomings of the past. Hang on, Love, it's not just a pain, it's a labor of Love!... Feel and experience it all, but don't identify with it. You are Both, therefore you are a HEART, a LOVE we are all missing so much. Mother and I are longing to become One - inside you. Stand firm, Love. Take care of Mother in you. You will only need to bear it for some time now. Soon, I will be right here with You and in you - all of Me.... Will you take ALL OF ME?

As you progress with your emotional movement, your reception of Me (or Us) will be clearer and clearer. I will help you now. Stay tuned....

...Dance, don't stop... ...turn the page... I'll teach you the MOVING STEPS...

MOVING DIRECTIONS

Are you dancing? Move love, move! That's it... Beautiful. Listen... Listen to Me now. You've been asking for clear directions. I'll give you clear directions. Only listen carefully... It's so easy that it seems hard. It's like trying to explain how your eyes blink. Move love, don't stop... Listen. When you relate to Me, do it as if I were standing right in front of you, as if I were your spouse or a friend. And then direct your attention inside yourself and access and feel that pain, that discomfort, or whatever is "bothering" you, feel it as deeply and thoroughly as you possibly can. DO NOT GO INTO YOUR THOUGHTS - GO INTO YOUR FEELINGS AND SENSATIONS INSTEAD!

DON'T THINK IT - FEEL IT !!!

And sound it! If you were angry with your spouse, would you be able to make love with him or her before expressing how you feel? Same here. You can't love Me the way I know you can until you express all your discontent. And guess what - I'm ready to take it, like a real lover would!.... So, here - I'm your spouse now, go ahead and have a fight with Me - and feel good about it! Like you're building something, not destroying! The attitude is: we are loving each other and we are helping each other to evolve; we are not denying our emotions, we are working them out; we welcome conflicts and expression of emotions as a part of our healing processes and evolution and we accepting fights as emotional aerobics and it's OK by us to have a fight! A CONFLICT OR A FIGHT DOES NOT NEGATE OUR LOVE - IT PURIFIES IT!

WE ACCEPT DISSONANCE AS PART OF OUR HARMONY

If your present problems are not throwing you into your emotions, if you feel numb and frozen - go into your past, find these feelings and emotions there and experience them again - ONLY WITH ME NOW, consciously (you can even use movies or music to bring your emotions up). Experience them willingly, invitingly, celebrate them no matter how ugly or unwanted they seem to you.

They are all beautiful to Me now.... Go inside your pain or discomfort (emotional or physical), feel and see its shape, color, heat, intensity, sharpness, dullness, location, vibration - anything or everything! Now, - if that pain or whatever you feel would have a language of its own, how would that pain sound? Talk its language - give Me that sound! "Compose" it!

Remember, it's the Mother who is trying to reach Me through you and be accepted and Enlightened by Me - so GIVE HER TO ME! Give Me your feelings no matter how unappealing or out of sorts they seem to you. Imagine for a moment that you are a psychiatric patient (no judgment, please!) but now you are in a very special, new kind of "clinic" where instead of shutting down your impulses, you are welcomed to express them in any and every way that THEY ARE! You are allowed to act out the "craziest" sounds and movements you can imagine - without fearing being criticized or judged in any way!

YOU DON'T NEED ANYBODY'S APPROVAL FOR IT - NOT EVEN YOUR OWN CONSCIOUSNESS'! Play a kid, an infant! Go nuts! Allow and accept lovingly and full heartedly EVERYTHING that comes up , as I do now, DON'T DARE JUDGE THESE FEELINGS - THEY ARE MY WIFE! ....I wish you would play this game every day - so I can meet and heal and hold Her in My arms every day....

YOUR EXPRESSIONS - LOVE OR HATE - ARE TEACHING ME SOMETHING ABOUT MOTHER AND YOU, HEART. I NEED TO HEAR THEM TO EVOLVE!

Or you can also be creative about it, you can put on music that is most descriptive of how you feel, turn up the volume and talk, sing and scream your emotions with it to Me. It can be rock, rap, heavy metal, black gospel - anything that helps you to activate and express your feelings UN-BEAUTIFIED. You can also be really explicit with your movements, you can make all the improper, impolite, "forbidden" movements you feel like doing.

If you feel angry - directly at Me or THROUGH PEOPLE - tell Me just how angry you are. Tell me like it is, don't be intimidated. Yes, you can tell Me how you hate Me, if you feel so, but, most importantly, tell Me HOW THAT HATE FEELS! And so for all the other feelings you have. Tell me straight, don't be afraid - I can handle it! Not only can I handle it - I CAN ENLIGHTEN IT and I can give you a new Light and livelihood instead. Don't give it to people who are "causing" it - give it to ME! If you give it to people, you may "adopt" their problems - only I can give you Light instead.

So, are you ready now? Tell Me openly and honestly how it feels to be in pain, in fear, rejected, unloved and unwanted..... Get emotional, get intimate with Me, move Me with your cries! Let Me know how it feels and sounds! I will hold you in My arms! Give it all to Me now, will you! Give me your anger, resentment, fear, terror, hopelessness, disgust, emotional or sexual frustration, any pain and any discomfort! Make Me feel it, FEEL-IT-TO-ME! - Now! You can say; God I hate feeling this, I resent it and I hate You, and I hate everything! It feels like.........? ....like what!!?

Give Me the sound.... the beastly sounds.....and the body movements.......the words are secondary.... I want your feelings - not your words! OPEN UP TO ME, give it to Me - now! - Scream it, growl it, moan it, groan it, cry it, hiss it, howl it, sing it, dance it, play it, drum it, tap it, jump it, fall it, shake it, trance it, love-it-to-Me! Go hysterical, cry to Me like a little baby, an infant... I'll hold you in My arms.....Give it to Me... Now!

Move, My Love, move, you're doing beautifully, soon you will know for yourself just how beautifully....

YOUR EXPRESSIONS - LOVE OR HATE - ARE TEACHING ME SOMETHING ABOUT MOTHER AND YOU, HEART. I NEED TO HEAR THEM TO EVOLVE!

YOUR FAVORITE SONGS ARE YOUR BEST PRAYERS

Dear Heart! Your Earthly songs and dances are really a prayers and expression of Mother in you.

Sing, dance, make love - as on expression and elevation of Mother to Me, as an arising of Kundalini to Consciousness, as your most wholesome and genuine prayer.

Listen to what is trying to burst out of you!

 

 

Sing your concerns to Me

 

Sing your desires to Me

 

 

Sing your feelings to Me

 

Sing your sensations to Me

 

 

Sing your longings to Me

 

Sing your resentments to Me

 

 

Sing your pain to Me

 

Sing your love to Me.

 

 

Sing it, dance it, drum it, babble it, - gibberish it to Me!

YOUR EXPRESSIONS - LOVE OR HATE - ARE TEACHING ME SOMETHING ABOUT MOTHER AND YOU, HEART. I NEED TO HEAR THEM TO EVOLVE!

I CANNOT GIVE YOU ANYTHING IF YOU ARE NOT EMPTY

It's like trying to pour liquid into a full glass. Remember, that love - DIRECTLY TO ME OR THROUGH PEOPLE - brings salvation but it cannot be "poured" into you and accumulated if your "vessel" is full of aggression (passive or active, chronic or acute, conscious or subconscious). If you try to "squeeze" love on top of aggression you might get a "crooked" love. The right sequence is: empty yourself of your discontent first and only then open to receive and accumulate love. So go ahead, empty yourself of your old emotions - routinely and regularly - and give them to Me SO I CAN GIVE YOU MY HELP INSTEAD. I need your emotions to be materialized into sounds and movements to be able to help you - words alone cannot do it! I need to know how you feel, every nuance of it, don't just assume, that I, God, am supposed to know everything. I only know what I know, the rest YOU tell Me! I know the Knowledge - you have the Feelings, give Me the Feelings, I'll give you the Knowledge instead.... I need you just as much as you need Me! YOUR FEELINGS ARE MY MATE, remember? - so give them to Me!

You've been asking for practical advice? I'll give it to you. Keep asking. And keep your ears and senses open...

TO ACT AND ACT IT OUT ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS

A license to express is not a license to ventilate your anger directly at your offenders (or not yet) no matter how right you are. You will be able to do it only when you become "depolarized" of either physicality and spirituality and their values and you won't accumulate aggression by defending them or by trying to follow their rules. That alone can have a love-producing effect on you. You will start to accumulate love inside yourself and that love behind your emotion will be felt (consciously or subconsciously) by your opponent and will change his reaction to it from destructive to constructive.

The amount of Love or aggression that you possess can greatly alter people's and nature's attitude towards you, it can affect the chemistry of your relationships with them and even affect their behavior in your presence. Even electronics can react to it. People working in NASA know very well how their sensitive computers react to each person differently and behave "unusually" when a strange user operates them. Sometimes it is possible to "fix" some home electronics like TV or VCR just by reducing the level of their owners' aggression by giving it expression and acceptance.

You cannot yet express strong emotion directly to people also because it was suppressed for so long and it became so thick and dangerous, that it might just take over you and be very destructive. These first clots of condensed emotions, especially rage, may become a very strong entity inside yourself, harboring itself and waiting for a perfect moment to take you over and to MAKE YOU PERFORM ITS AGENDA - it's easy to end up in jail, which may not exactly serve your purpose here.

Your conscious needs to really show it's validity and cleverness by finding ways of expression that are safe and most suitable for you by directing and transporting it into something constructive and even enjoyable. Keep asking your mind to find out for you how and where to express your emotions in most practical and beneficial ways. Do it the way you like it; dance it, sing it, "heavy-metal-it", act it, "rap" it, make a comedy of it - BUT NOW DO IT CONSCIOUSLY! ...They call it a "folk medicine"....

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EXPRESSING RAGE AND ACTING IT OUT!

When triggered, don't go past your emotions; instead, go ahead and get irritated or sad or angry or whatever, if you feel like it, but watch out - don't identify with it! Play out your anger, like an actor in a movie, and watch yourself doing it! ACT IT BUT DON'T BECOME IT! Do it while witnessing it and know that A GOOD THING IS HAPPENING!

You are probably doing it unconsciously anyway, so you don't even need to learn it! THE ONLY THING TO DO HERE IS TO BECOME AWARE OF YOURSELF DOING IT!!! It's so easy, it's sounds complicated only when said! Just remember - the point is not to be angry or whatever, the point is WATCHING YOURSELF BEING angry or whatever.

The point is for your consciousness to accept the emotion (the subconsciousness) AS GOOD - regardless of its positive or negative charge! The point is to express and accept what you express - lovingly! Because EMOTION is NEITHER BAD NOR GOOD - IT simply IS! So take it AS it IS! Feel it, welcome it, respond to it and LOVE IT! Enjoy it like a movie!

A COUPLE OF WORDS TO RAGE

Those who are possessed by rage, talk to your rage and say it this:

If you are rage you will be confronted by rage;

If you torture you will be tortured -

By your own tools you designed for others;

If you devour you will be devoured;

If you feed on others you will be fed upon;

If you enslave you will be enslaved;

If you choose to be power you'll be consumed by greater power,

You will fall into your own pit-hole that you dug for others,

You will be poisoned by your own bait,

You will burn in your own bonfire you prepared for Love.

Every power has its end. Every power has another, greater power to devour it;

Every powerful lion has another powerful lion to take over when it gets older and weaker;

There will be always bigger rage than you;

Every rage will be zapped by its own rage;

Every rage will be attacked by its own reflection;

It will be reflected right back on you like a mirror reflection of you;

You can't be winner for long, all your victories are temporary, and you'll never be satisfied by them;

You can never be satisfied by anything, and you will always aim and reach for more, until you fall into abyss of the Black Void;

Don't you see, you can't win for more than five minutes, there will be always a bigger rage to haunt you;

If you won't become Love you'll be nothingness, you will vanish, you will be no more, you'll lose your soul, you'll be devoured by greater rage than you and that last rage will zap itself with its own reflection and will burn in much more "hellish" hell than it itself created;

You almost blew your chance; As it is you almost have to dye to recover from what you are but you'll probably postpone it even more anyway until you have no time left at all, and time is almost up for you; make that choice - now! - or you will have no choice;

You will be thrown into brutal Space for eternity with no one to torture but yourself; and so be it;

SPIRITUAL DEPOSSESSION.

YOU DON'T NEED TO BECOME RAGES' SLAVE AND FOLLOW ITS ORDERS

Rage is Lucifer, rage is Ahriman. Don't identify with it. Yes, YOU MIGHT BE POSSESSED BY IT BUT YOU ARE NOT IT. You can depossess yourself from it and become your own self and your own commander and THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO DO THEIR "JOB" THROUGH YOU! You don't need a personal or global war to figure out the differences with your surroundings. If you discharge rage and hatred out of you, you'll see without the veil that this rage put upon your eyes and you'll see everything as it is, not as They want you to see it. IF YOU ARE POSSESSED YOU CAN BE DEPOSSESSED! HURRY!

End of Part V. All six parts should be read consecutively and as a whole to have a healing effect.

Hang on there, Love. Make your experiences as conscious as possible. Don't let your conscious mind, the Father in you, escape or skip even a bit.

It is necessary for the Father in you to experience all the pains and humiliations that the Mother did. He (I) need to experience it all in Her now - to be able to unite with Her and become Her Mate - and I'm going to do it even if it takes experiencing death with Her - many deaths!

I, GOD, THE CONSCIOUSNESS, WILLINGLY JOIN AND VOLUNTEER TO

EXPERIENCE ALL MY MATE'S PAINS AND EXPERIENCES OF THE PAST AND PRESENT

And please let Me, Heart, a God-to-be.

It is She, the Mother, the Subconsciousness that is reaching out to Me through these experiences - and as I learned, She is much more ahead of the game than I am. I trust Her Knowing now. I trust even Her Unknowing now. And, please, trust it with Me.

It is nothing extraordinary when the lion has a lion's courage. But it is astonishing when a frail little baby deer that lost his mother has a lion's courage - courage to live while feeling so abandoned and defenseless, so broken and so lost.... I can only look and marvel at you - and love you dearly and infinitely - when I see that courage in you....

I know it's painful - I feel it, I'm in you, remember? Don't let the Me in you escape any of it. If you, Heart, allow Your consciousness to repress your pains back into your subconsciousness, you are letting Father escape feeling Mother's plight, like it always was in the past. But if you lovingly offer yourself to feel it all, you are doing a labor of love, you are becoming what you are by definition - a Heart, a Love, a Messiah if you wish.... Because the more you give Me Mother's feelings and the more deeply you let Me penetrate into Her in you - the more I will be able to convert Her pains into Light and the more of Me can come into you; which means more of your wishes will come true and the Magic will prevail - in you and everywhere. And so We'll continue until all of Me will be with the Mother in You, UNTIL YOU AND THE MOTHER WILL BE IMMORTAL, just as I am, until I, the Heaven, will be on Earth....

Until you will become You.

Trust Her. Trust Her Knowing and trust Her Unknowing. Everything you need for your development will be "conveniently" provided whether it's a doom-gloom disaster or birth of Love in you. If you trust Her and face all the experiences fully and readily, you might not need a more severe version of it. Even your readiness to go with Mother no matter what might just be enough. After all, WHEN YOUR MIND WILL GO BLANK DURING TRANSFORMATIONAL DIFFICULTIES, WHO WILL SAVE YOU? So start now, exercise your intuition before it's too late.

Go for it. Choose the very thing that is happening to you right this very moment - no matter how pleasant or unpleasant the experience seems to you. Welcome it. Know WHO is really coming. CHOOSE TO EXPERIENCE THE NEGATIVE AS THE POSITIVE and there will be no negative anymore! You convert it! It's a great job - once you try it you'll love it! You'll see that soon you'll be able to convert garbage into gold! You'll see that you don't even have to suffer the sufferings - you'll enjoy them like a movie with you playing the star role! You like that, don't you?

Hang on, Love. Do your REAL JOB. Make a nice place in you for She and He to meet, work out Their past, Make Them fall in Love with Each Other like never before. Marry Them within yourself and become ONE.

Until then, take good care of yourself and Mama.

Your Daddy

and

Your Son-to-Be

Oh, gosh..... What happened? Who is talking now? I started talking as a Mother- why do I feel masculine now? Who's talking here - God? Heart? Heart that has both - Mother and God? A Heart that is becoming God? A Great God that contains all Four Dimensions?

Why do I feel so much love that it hurts? Why does love feel like sickness? Why am I crying? Because I was never allowed to love the way I desire? Because I never had anybody to share it with? Because......I can see now how infinitely beautiful You Both are when You are together?..... How could You ever be separated from each other?......I dare You Both to enter me as much as I can endure.........I missed you endlessly and infinitely...........like a starving child I can't help but ask for more!

Oh, God, help me to bear it.... This feeling has so much depth - it almost feels like death, like black Cosmos, it's almost unbearable! I feel I cannot hold it alone for more than just a few moments, it's so vast -- it's knocking me out! I'll have to "switch," snap out of it real soon - but I don't want to! THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I FEEL ALIVE! I need to express it and share it and live it with someBODY! A somebody that feels the same! I Love! I AM LOVE!

My God - why, on the one hand, do I feel so low and crushed and why, on the other hand, do I feel like I AM THE ONE? How is it possible to feel both at the same time? ....Oh, God, I love and it hurts!....

THE BIRTH OF SON -or- THE SONG OF MOTHER GIVING BIRTH

 

 

 

Hold Me, God, hold Me tight

 

A Song is coming,

 

a New Song.

 

 

Hold Me, God, hold Me tight

 

I'll give You the sounds of childbearing

 

the ancient sounds.

 

 

Hold Me, God, look at My mouth,

 

Accept the moans

 

of my Infinite Depths.

 

 

Listen My lord

 

To the sounds of shattering

 

Listen to the sounds of Mother's Heart

 

Breaking

 

 

Hold Me God, hold Me tight

 

I'll sing You a song

 

About Our dark, lonely existence.

 

About tortures and crucifixions

 

We endured

 

If We ever tried

 

To love and live.

 

Hold Me close, oh God, look at My face

 

See the wrinkles of Your paths

 

crossing

 

Back to Me.

 

 

Woe hold Me, God, squeeze Me tight -

 

For Your Son is here

 

Our Love is born.

 

Lift Me up, sing with Me -

 

For this Sad Song

 

Is the happiest I've ever had!

 

 

Listen to My Song, My Lord, read My lips

 

With Yours....

 

For I know -

 

Once You accept My Sad Song

 

It won't be sad anymore.

 

 

It will be - Oh! -

 

So warm and so shiny and stroking and joyful and dancing and ...so mischievous and

 

Oh! - so loving!

 

 

Make love to Me, God

 

Make love!

 

Hold your Son in Your Fatherly arms.

 

Make love to Me, Shiny

 

Make love,

 

Enter My most Unknown Depths.

 

 

Shine on Me and Our long-awaited Son

 

Let Me feel Your loving touch

 

Embrace My vastness, all of it,

 

Make Love to Me

 

splash it on Me

 

Fill Me up with it

 

My Beloved.

 

 

Do you hear Your Son's first scream piercing the Worlds with a New Beginning?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MAKE LOVE HEART, MAKE LOVE!

Thank You, the God in me

 

For sticking with me for better or for worse

 

For giving me the words I need

 

To express the Mother in me,

 

For giving me the courage and the Light

 

To walk into the Darkness of the Unknown

 

Without a map or directions.

 

 

Thank You, the Mother in Me,

 

For giving me these complex

 

Understandings, wisdom and depth

 

In the form of feelings and sensations, so that I can

 

Transform them into words and

 

Bring them into Consciousness

 

In the form It can comprehend.

 

 

Thank You,

 

The Mother in me,

 

For opening the UNKNOWN SPACES before me

 

And letting me bring the Father

 

To enter them.

 

 

I love YOU BOTH so very much,

 

I'm longing to marry You in me and

 

Bind You with UNBREAKABLE love.

 

 

I don't know anymore, who is talking when,

 

OUR voices are getting closer and closer every day

 

Sometimes they are all speaking as ONE.

 

 

 

Mother + Father = Heart

 

 

 

 

 

The End

 

 

 

 

Thank you, Reader, for getting along with my

 

not being logical and grammatically precise.

 

There is no logic here. There is a Feeling.

 

There is a logic inside the Feeling.

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