|By Scot on Wednesday, October 18, 2000 - 12:13 am:|
Loving guidance came to me recently and gently reminded me of this:
"You have been allowing your gap to be parental to your experience."
"You can choose to be parental to your gap."
I sit with what this means for me. I feel into my understandings about what the gap is, about who I am in the gap.
To me the gap is everywhere I do not feel good in love. All the places in my whole body where my loving spirit is not grounded in my will-desire making heartlove.
Well, there sure are tons of places like that in my creation. All the way back to my beginning and right up to now and in my every involvement on this Forum. I am suddenly more aware than ever before about how much gap I am. How much gap I have been allowing to be parental to my experience.
I realize now that when I allow gap to be parental this is the experience I have:
All my expressions and movements, all my shared mind and vibrating emotions are not fully real and are not truly loving.
All my efforts at healing are not healing because I just keep repeating the same old patterns getting nowhere.
And most importantly, I don't even realize this is what is happening to me when I remain in my gap.
But when I choose to be parental to my gap, when I feel for and find the parental essence that is now available to me and to all of us, then suddenly I feel lifted out of my endless hellish darkness and empowered to manifest real healing and love.
I see now that in some sense parental essence has always been with me, enough at least to help me take care of myself as best I have along the way to getting here.
But mostly this essence has just keep me surviving, and now I know for sure I desire so much more than just surviving.
I desire to really be alive in love, fully vibrating the amazing truth of who I really am. And to do this, I need heal each and every part of me not having this experience yet.
This is where choosing to be parental to my gap feels so empowering to me. Here I not alone, here I have great resources available to me, here I have the ability to go into my hells and actually save my lost selves.
Recently I have had some very profound experiences doing this. To make a long story short, I have guided myself through deep griefs moving spontaneously. Instead of fighting and resisting the movements of this will, my parental self opens to fully embrace these parts of me returning, greets them in compassionate unconditional love, and gives them whatever they need to heal without judgement.
Alot of sobbing like a baby, alot of body catharsis, alot of whimpering sounds, alot of rage explosions, alot of terror.
But these deep feelings actually move and change and heal in my new found parental love for all of me. They are so happy and relieved to be back and included in my whole. And they give me greater strength and desire to open to and heal the next lost piece, and the next lost piece, and the next until no more.
And the best part of this is, by being parental to my gap and all my lost will stuck there, and by actually healing them from this place, I feel my most lost parental essence returning to help the rest of me heal completely.
Slowy but surely my parental self grows in strength and power along with the knowing of how to proceed next in unmanifesting hells and creating my real heart heaven here on earth.
Don't get me wrong, this is not as easy and clear as I may be describing it now. I have been feeling and healing some of the most overwhelming terrors and griefs, feeling so deeply utter hopelessness and despair. To the point where I feel I'm not going to make it through.
But each time I do. And new heart is born a little more in my body.
That's actually what I feel is happen to me as I go through all these changes. I am being born. I am moving through all the stages of birth, from conception to delivery. Being born anew out from hell.
I share this with you all sensing you also may find help in the same loving guidance I got. I share this knowing you are having similar experiences already in your venues. I share this from the deep depth of my growing love for you, each and every one of you.
Join me Join me Sing along
Sing our Vibrant Real Heart Song
Sing it Right from where You Belong
In Our Body's Healing
Join me Join me Harmony
Sing our Realness Sweet and Free
Every Pain to Ecstacy
So Great Is Our Singing!
|By louise on Wednesday, October 18, 2000 - 12:21 am:|
oh Scot this is so beautiful. it is so important to me that you are here. today I am not able to manifest the place that I can do this from. but I have in the past and I trust that I will again. in the meantime thank you for articulating this and holding this place for us.
|By Scot on Wednesday, October 18, 2000 - 02:11 am:|
You are welcome, my dear heart sister.
We hold this place for each other.
Sometimes I need you more, sometimes you need me.
It is so important to me that you are here as well.