Thank you for the Mother expression pages on this site. I feel comforted knowing I am not alone in having difficulties with things like trying to channel God, and have appreciated the suggestions offered and the sentiments expressed. The first time I found these pages and read this material I was moved into huge release of despair and heartbreak, rage and grief, and it was just what I needed. Getting down into these most denied parts of the will has been terribly difficult for me to do, yet it has to be done, and the healing I feel from this release is showing up as more confidence, clarity and focus in my life and healing path, and an increase in joy. Once again, thanks to all who are willing to share their deepest feelings in this way so that we all can benefit.
I would also like to say something about God's warning to pieces of the Mother who log onto this site. The very first time I visited the God Channel I had a physical reaction that felt like an anxiety attack. My energy revved up to a level that for me was quite uncomfortable and stressful. I recognized the feeling immediately, as several years ago I felt something quite similar when my own spirit pushed my will to move much faster than she was comfortable doing, and I had a breakdown under the pressure of it all.
I was glad to see the warning posted, and have taken it seriously. I visit this site when I know I have plenty of space and time to move what I know will inevitably be triggered, and I space out my visits, giving myself lots of time to rest and recover my balance between each visit. This warning is proof to me that God does care deeply about me, and does not wish to see me get hurt again.
I thank you for that God, and for so much more. I know that you already know that God, but I want to say it out loud, for all to see and hear. I have listened to much bickering and hair splitting about the words you use, and the many interpretations people give to them, but my feeling is, anyone who has been in hell, as I have for so long, and has had to feel and hold what the Mother has had to feel and hold, understands what you are trying to do here in pulling yourself together, and understands your intent is Loving, for they have received healing from it, if they are willing to open to it, and to You.
I know that your warning is not a judgment of my vibration, or of me, but sincere concern for my well being and comfort while engaged in the rigorous process of healing all my parts and eventual achievement of the balance point. I am more than willing to listen to you on this point, since my own feelings clearly back this up.
"Thank you for saying this. Yes, the work of healing into wholeness is quite rigorous, and I want to say now that there is a very delicate balance needed between caution and engagement. Although I'm still feeling cautious that my expression here can be difficult, and as you have pointed out even painful, I've asked that the warning you mention be removed and that it be replaced by another page that presents another reflection of Will on this issue.
"This new area of the site is a demonstration that the time has come for an even more concerted healing effort, and particularly in response to the very real and pressing needs of lost Will. And in this new phase of the healing work Spirit in general needs to able to engage more in open responsiveness to Will and the reflections she offers."
I also want to say that as I have progressed in my healing, and continued to visit this site, my physical symptoms have decreased, and I am more able to stay present, and for longer periods of time, however, I still have intense emotional movement triggered on a regular basis, and need to be careful that I move at a pace that facilitates my healing, rather than pushing myself to move faster than parts of me are comfortable moving.
I do not want to encounter resistance to using this site from within myself because of overdoing it. . . as I have found a lot of help here and wish to continue. Once again, my thanks and love to all who participate and contribute to this site. It is truly a LIFE saver.
"I am happy that being here is becoming easier for you, and I am very happy that you are learning to be easier on yourself. In the past Spirit hasn't known very much about how to get things done without pushing on Will, but we're learning now.
"One metaphor for the ideal interaction between Spirit and Will is that of two dancers in one dance. In the past I have gone to extremes trying to get the Mother to dance the way I wanted her to, to complement me. I know now that not only was that an impossible request for her to meet, it wasn't even close to being what works best for our union. I know now that my true desire is to dance with the Mother, rather than expect her to dance with me.
"Although in the dance of Spirit and Will, it's Spirit's role to push and Will's to pull, it's clear to me now that in the dance of our union, it is best that Will leads. I wish to learn to dance in the ways she loves best. What I'm saying is that I'm here hoping to get some dance lessons. Because I'm a willing learner who responds well to kindness, I believe I'll be able to pick it up quite quickly. Do you know the way to Mother's Studio?
"Thank you for all the good work you're doing in being true to yourself while finding the way to New Heart. The journey home has begun. I hope your spirit will stay close with me as we learn a new way to dance, here in the backward driving caravan."
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